You see, I just wrote this cool e-book called 100 of Your Toughest Business Emails: Solved, available early to my awesome email subscribers, and coming soon to Amazon and other digital formats.
The e-book gives tons of examples for things you can or should say when you really feel like wringing your co-worker’s neck, but need to be diplomatic.
Oh, but the list of things you SHOULDN’T say in an email with any professional association is practically endless.
That’s where I thought I would have some fun.
- Foul language
- Inappropriate jokes (jokes of any kind, really)
- Attempts to procure money from your colleagues in the form of fundraising or otherwise
- Anything illegal
- Highly confidential or personal information
- Politics, religion. The stuff that works your family into a tizzy at Thanksgiving.
- Anything you wouldn’t want to see plastered on the front page of the newspaper or your company’s intranet page
- Romantic overtures
- Conflicts of interest
- Subjects not related to your work. Period.
Now that we’ve established those ground rules, let’s enjoy the best of the worst of them.
2. Everyone knows that so-and-so and so-and-so are having an affair
3. I'm thinking of leaving to work for a competitor
4. I don't do much work. I mostly shop online all day.
5. OMG ROFL & LMAO
7. A kindergartner could do a better job
8. Don't tell anyone, but I peed in the office coffee pot
9. Does Bob have a girlfriend?
10. I'm counting on you to support my Race for the (X Charitable Cause)
12. Did you see last night's episode of "Game of Thrones"? Whoa.
13. My boss is slowly sucking the life from my soul
14. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING???
15. I never have to buy pens any more. They're free at the office!
17. Sorry, my ex-wife took every last penny
18. Do you even read your emails?
19. You really screwed this one up, didn't you?
20. Rachel looks super sexy today
22. I think I feel a cold coming on…cough, cough (HAHA!). Looks like I'll have to take a 'sick' day :)
23. Can I borrow $20?
24. You're going to hell
25. All the free donuts in the world could not make me happy in this job
27. How much do they pay you here?
28. I couldn't care less
29. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (Top Secret)
30. My dog is cuter than your kid
32. Are you in for online poker during our conference call?
33. I'm selling my old TV. Do you want it?
34. Anyone who votes for (X CANDIDATE) is an IDIOT!
35. I know you're Jewish, but Merry Christmas!
37. I'm supposed to meet with my parole officer at that time
38. Forward this email to 10 people or you'll have bad luck!
39. Macy's is having an awesome buy one, get one free online sale. You in?
40. I'd rather not sponsor a take your child to work day. I hate children.
42. Remember, there is no I in team
43. I'm praying for your soul
44. I have a fantastic investment opportunity for you
45. It's obvious that she needs a makeover
47. That's not my fault
48. You're the only one to complain about this
49. No offense, but…
50. Anyone on the planet could do a better job than him
Free E-Book Preview: 100 of your Toughest Business Emails: Solved—Coming August 2017
On The Write Life: 17 Incredible Possibilities if Writers Ran The World
On The Write Life: Get Inspired! 20 Writers to Follow on Twitter
Article on The Write Life: Think Like a Journalist to Improve Your Writing (Trench Coat Optional!)
How to be the perfect friend: a guide for the ladies
Writing tips: What I want to blog about vs. what I actually blog about
One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned
For writers: All your writing fears, squashed!
A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me
Your writing conference checklist: how to make it worth every minute and every penny (takeaways from the 2017 San Francisco Writers Conference)
The write stuff: An author’s favorite books and authors
Writing tips: Cutting down on word fat and other newsletter best practices
All about writing: writing 'til it hurt