I had an epiphany today: If bad behavior were an Olympic sport, horrible bosses and toddlers would be fighting tooth and paci for the gold.
 
Of course, 2-year-olds have the legitimate justification of not yet being fully formed humans. I mean, their brains are still developing.
 
So, what is your horrible boss’s excuse? 

Horrible bosses: 22 things 2-year-olds and bad bosses have in common

1.  Self-absorbed
Your toddler: I want I want I WANT!!!
 
Your boss: Don’t mess up my reputation, underling.
 
2.  Can’t be reasoned with
Your toddler: [Refuses to wear coat on 20-degree winter day]. NO! I want to wear my swimsuit. No coat.
 
Your boss: I reviewed your budget report and I see that you’ve identified a $275K deficit. That should be easy to move around and balance, right? Have it done pronto.
 
3.  Don't do their fair share
Your toddler: Runs wild through the house, eats everything in sight, complains about being bored, demands to watch a movie, spills cheerios all over the kitchen, and then kicks you instead of helping you clear the mess.
 
Your boss: Runs wild through the office, eats a half dozen bagels on bagel day, complains about being ‘soooo busy’, demands a status update, spills coffee all over the shared kitchen, and then leaves you to mop up the mess.
 
4.  Take you for granted
Your toddler: Daddy will make my macaroni.
 
Your boss: Sheryl will take care of it. She always does.
 
5.  Don't acknowledge your hard work
Your toddler: NO, I want chicken nuggets! [After you’ve spent three hours preparing an extravagant dinner]
 
Your boss: Oh, I completely forgot about that. What else is on your to-do list? [After you’ve spent six months tackling a near-impossible task]

6.  Make a mess and expect you to clean it up
Your toddler: [Removes every piece of clothing and pees on the floor] Mommy, look what I did for you.
 
Your boss: [Instigates political firestorm in the office] You’ll get this squared away by end of day, won’t you?
 
7.  Attempt to control everything
Your toddler: [Imitating your exact tone of voice] Excuuuuuuuse me, Daddy, you do NOT talk to me like that.
 
Your boss: [On casual Friday, when literally everyone in the office except your boss is wearing jeans] I noticed that you’re wearing jeans today. Is that appropriate for the workplace?
 
8.  Are terrible at listening
Your toddler: [After hearing it’s time to go to school, immediately hides under the bed and starts giggling like mad]
 
Your boss: [While you are confiding one of your deepest professional insecurities] [Looks like she’s been shaken from a dream] I’m sorry, were you saying something?
 
9.  Often yell and/or throw fits when things don’t go their way
Your toddler: But I don’t WANT my friends to come over for my birthday party to give me presents and eat pizza and cake! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want to sit in this box and never come out.
 
Your boss: But I don’t WANT my co-workers to acknowledge my birthday with a cake and be forced to socialize with them for more than two minutes. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want to sit in this office and never come out.
 
10.  Ask for something, then immediately reject it
Your toddler: I want bubbles. [Hands child bubble wand] NO! I HATE BUBBLES! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME???
 
Your boss: Where is that marketing plan I asked for? [Employee responds: It’s been in your inbox for a week] Well, why did you send it so soon? I didn’t want it clogging up my email! 

11.  Change their mind constantly
Your toddler: I want chocolate cake. I want vanilla cake. I want chocolate cake. NO, VANILLA! [Conversation continues into eternity]
 
Your boss: I think this is the right strategy. Or maybe this isn’t the best strategy. Let’s do more brainstorming. Shouldn’t we start from scratch? Ask Bob what he thinks.
 
12.  Always think they are right
Your toddler: I’m cuter than you, so I must be right.
 
Your boss: I’m smarter than you, so I must be right.
 
13.  Resist even the smallest of changes
Your toddler: New socks? NEVER!!!
 
Your boss: Remove the emojis from my email signature? YOU CAN’T TAKE MY FREEDOM!
 
14.  Have the absolute worst timing
Your toddler: [While on a video conference call with your boss and the CEO of the company] Your toddler enters the room, completely naked, and announces: I POOPED!
 
Your boss: [Just as you are packing up your laptop for a long weekend] I just thought of one more thing I’d like you to finish before you head out…
 
15.  Can alter your day from good to ghastly in mere minutes
Your toddler: Mama, where do babies come from? [Unprepared parent cringes]
 
Your boss: [Without warning] Franklin, we need to discuss your performance. RIGHT. NOW. Close the door.

16.  Blind to their own faults and weaknesses
Your toddler: Yup, I eat my own boogers. Is there a problem here?
 
Your boss: Yup, I verbally abuse my own employees. Is there a problem here?
 
17.  Constantly play favorites
Your toddler: [To Mommy]. Daddy is my favorite. Daddy is my favorite. Daddy-is-my-FAVORITE! Go away, Mommy. I no like you.
 
Your boss: You know I never play favorites, but the employee of the month is…Ricardo, again! Congratulations to Ricardo! The rest of you should aim to be more like him.
 
18.  Have emotional outbursts
Your toddler: NO, I AM NOT TIRED!!!! NO NAP TIME! While writhing on the floor of Costco, clutching a jumbo pack of string cheese.
 
Your boss: NO, I AM NOT TIRED! Just bring me my coffee, damnit.
 
19.  Make demands without providing any guidance or context
Your toddler: I WANT THAT TOY!!!! THAT ONE! NO, NOT THAT ONE. [Every toy parent points to in the Toys R Us store elicits the same response]
 
Your boss: I want this to be top-notch! I’ll know what that means when I see it! I don’t have time for questions.
 
20.  Skip out on their obligations
Your toddler: ME NO WANT TO BUCKLE MY SEATBELT! [Every morning in the car seat, like clockwork]
 
Your boss: Oh, I was supposed to sign your timesheet? I wasn’t aware of that. [After four years of weekly reminders to sign the same freaking timesheet]

21.  Lie to get what they want
Your toddler: Daddy said I could have some ice cream. Daddy: I have no recollection of this. [Toddler puts on most fetching grin]
 
Your boss: [Lying through teeth] If this isn’t done right, we’ll all be fired.
 
22.  Never say thank you
Your toddler: [Says for the very first time] Thank you, Da-Da [Daddy falls down at baby’s feet in worship]
 
Your boss: Why should I thank you for doing what you get paid to do?

Let this be a lesson to horrible bosses to stop acting like babies, and babies (toddlers) to stop acting like bosses.
 
We’re all in this together!
 
Do you have a Boss Baby or a Baby Boss? Tell us about it in the comments (no names, please)!

You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
Business Email Etiquette: 50 Things You Should Never Say in a Work Email
Vacation time! Why I’m actually vacationing on my vacation
One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned
It's Here! Get My Free E-Book: 100 of Your Toughest Business Emails: Solved on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iBooks and more
Vacation fun: 44 things you only do when you're on vacation or holiday
Writing tips: What I want to blog about vs. what I actually blog about
For writers: All your writing fears, squashed!
A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me
The write stuff: An author’s favorite books and authors 
Writing tips: Cutting down on word fat and other newsletter best practices 
Writing tips for email: In 30 seconds, this message will self-destruct 
Public speaking tips: How to move your audience from callous to captivated 

Dreaming of a family cruise? You’ve come to the right place.
 
We recently took our first cruise as a family from Seattle to Alaska, and it was spectacular!
 
Since I love to share family travel tips, I’m spilling all our seafaring secrets on the subject.
 
First, check out my advice for nabbing a killer deal and for entertaining your toddler on your cruise. 

Now, here are 20 more secrets to totally nailing your family cruise experience:

Planning your trip
1.  Request a Pack N Play or portable crib for your room, if you need one.

2.  Choose open seating for dinner. Some nights you’ll end up at the buffet, some you will make it to the formal dining room (call ahead for reservations). And other nights you may be seasick and order room service (been there, done that!).

3.  Splurge on a room with a balcony so that you can sit outside and revel while your toddler naps or sleeps for the night (be sure to bring an audio monitor).

4.  Bring your e-reader so that you can read in the dark while your toddler snoozes.

5.  Keep your kiddo’s stuff organized with packing cubes like the ones from Eagle Creek. We use these for every trip for our daughter and for ourselves! Simply throw them in the closet or drawer and you won’t have to worry about piles of clothes forming everywhere.

​6.  Pack a favorite blanket or stuffed animal to help nap and bed time go more smoothly.

7.  Bring a lightweight and compact stroller for excursions and walks around town. We currently use the Chico Liteway stroller and used the Summer Infant 3D Lite stroller when our daughter was younger. The Summer Infant model is perfect for younger, lighter kids but the Chico works better after 18 months or so, and handles better on corners.

Food and milk
8.  The easiest way to get your toddler’s milk is to grab a few cartons from the buffet once or twice a day, and then store them in your in-room fridge. On Holland America Line, they keep the milk out at the breakfast buffet, and then at lunch and dinner you can ask for it at the ice cream station.

9.  You could also order milk via room service (although this generally takes 30-45 minutes).

10.  If you’re grabbing a latte for yourself, you can also get milk from the café.
​
11.  Make peace with the fact that your kid is going to consume a ton of sugar, as will you. Just try to avoid it right before sleeping time.

12.  That said, chocolate milk or the chocolates from your nightly turndown service can be your biggest bargaining chips with your toddler!

While on board
13.  Take advantage of toddler nap time by getting some reading or work done, or snooze along with them.

14.  If your child is not yet potty-trained, beware that Holland America Line has zero changing tables in bathrooms, at least on the Oosterdam ship. When it was time for a diaper change, we went back to our room every time.

15.  Don’t expect to catch any of the evening entertainment (8:00 pm or later), unless you have babysitters traveling with you or the cruise line offers babysitting services.

16.  Use the on-board laundry services to pack lighter. For $20 on Holland America Line, you get a fully stuffed bag and each piece is promptly washed, dried and ironed to perfection.

17.  If the dining room is too crowded or you need a change of scenery, plan to eat by the pool.

18.  Your toddler will love the towel animals created by your room stewards. See if they can guess which animal they’ll meet next.

19.  Take family photos on board, but expect some your toddler to make silly faces in them.

20.  Even if you don’t like to go crazy with shopping, you can look for a special book that your child will treasure for years to come, like “Goodnight Alaska”, and you can always find room in your suitcase and budget for magnets. 

All set to go exploring? Me, too! See you on the flip side.
 
*Author’s note: these opinions are my own based on my personal experiences. I have not been paid to endorse any businesses, products or services in this blog

You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
Cruise with kids: Entertainment strategies that keep the whole family happy (baby/toddler travel guide series)
Cruise with kids: Travel tips for cruising with toddlers (baby/toddler travel guide series)
Baby/toddler travel guide series: going international
Baby/toddler travel guide series: what to pack
Baby/toddler travel guide series: the essentials!
Vacation time! Why I’m actually vacationing on my vacation
Vacation fun: 44 things you only do when you're on vacation or holiday
Travel: Insider’s guide to the best Seattle outdoor activities
Your insider Seattle trip planner: lodging (where to stay) and getting around (rental car or no rental car?)
An insider’s guide to Seattle’s Pike Place Market
60 fun and unique date ideas for the young at heart
Parenting: A no-fuss guide to your toddler’s birthday party for Pinterest-fatigued parents
What I never expected about Midwest living
How to be the perfect friend: a guide for the ladies
One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned

Keeping a toddler entertained. No easy task, without the help of a tablet.
 
Fear not, parents everywhere! You CAN find fun for the whole family on your cruise!
 
Now that you’ve snagged a super deal on your cruise adventure, you’re ready to start planning your itinerary and building your arsenal of things to do.
 
Ideas and Tips for Entertaining a Toddler on a Cruise

Children’s activities and programs vary significantly by cruise line. Disney cruises, for example, offer character experiences, waterslides, themed deck parties, and more. Most other cruise lines are not as kiddo-centric as Disney.
 
We recently took a cruise to Alaska on Holland America Line (HAL). Holland America offers Club HAL, a supervised space for children ages 3-17 with age-appropriate activities and toys. Unfortunately, we could not take advantage of this free offering, since our daughter isn’t yet three. We asked the staff if we could allow our daughter to play in the club space while we watched her, but they said it was against corporate policy. Bummer.
 
Since we couldn’t use the Club HAL space and there was no playground on the ship, we had to get creative to keep our daughter happy and active on board.

A few things we did that worked well

• Sought out interesting and varied common spaces
• Frequented the observation deck and café (Explorations Café on HAL), which featured an assortment of board games and books (our daughter loved Connect Four and looking through the oversized coffee table photo books)
• Walked on deck three (loop around the ship)
• Pawned her off on Grandma and Grandpa for a change of scenery (highly recommend this—it kept everyone happy!)
• Slowly revealed new small toys, like stickers, coloring books, a Rubik’s Cube, etc.
• Read and read and read and read. Our daughter loves books, so we were constantly reading to her on our trip. I bought a few new lightweight paperbacks, which are lighter than board books, and therefore easier to travel with. 

What didn’t work

• We knew that the children’s pool on board was covered and heated, so we planned to pass the lazy afternoons swimming. That did NOT work out for us—it was simply too cold! We tried one day, and we were shivering in a pool that should have been at least 10 degrees warmer. If we had been in the Caribbean, it would have been a different story. Don’t bother swimming on an Alaskan cruise (of course, adults can hit the hot tub). 

Another idea for next time

• We didn’t take advantage of the basketball courts or ping pong tables on board. There’s always next time!

Planning excursions

• Assume you will want to leave the ship. Exploring ports is one of the best parts of the experience.
• Check out the descriptions of all available excursions before you set off. See your cruise line web site for details. It’s best to book ahead, especially for popular outings and those with limited capacity.
• We were fairly light on excursions on this 7-night Alaska cruise. We specifically avoided scheduling every minute of our time, as you never know when a meltdown or long nap is going to occur.
• Generally, we avoided any excursions that were more than two hours in length.
• We considered nap and meal times in our planning.
• We carefully evaluated the safety of the activities for a toddler. If you have questions, feel free to contact your cruise line’s customer service professionals.
• We pinpointed activities that we could easily do on our own at our leisure, like eating at a crab shack in Juneau when we felt like it, rather than booking a crab feast that we would have to be bused to.
• Here’s what we actually did in Alaska: the Mount Roberts Tramway in Juneau (suitable for all ages), and the Lumberjack Show in Ketchikan (1 hour 15 mins, enjoyable for everyone). My husband and I also did a sea kayaking trip in Sitka while my parents watched our daughter.

What to do when you’re desperate
We don’t allow screen time for our toddler unless she’s on a plane or train, or if it’s a special occasion like a party.
 
But if you’re desperate for a way to calm your toddler, HAL has en-suite smart TVs that feature an impressive selection of kids’ movies, including “Moana”, “Sing”, “Finding Dory”, “Pets”, and more. The interface was incredibly easy to use.
 
You may also want to bring a tablet.
 
Easy as pie, right?

Next Time: Secrets to a Successful Family Cruise with Toddlers.

​In the final installment of this series, I will reveal the remaining de-classified tips for having a blast on your family cruise.
 
*Author’s note: these opinions are my own based on my personal experiences. I have not been paid to endorse any businesses, products or services in this blog

You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
Cruise with kids: Travel tips for cruising with toddlers (baby/toddler travel guide series)
Baby/toddler travel guide series: going international
Baby/toddler travel guide series: what to pack
Baby/toddler travel guide series: the essentials!
Vacation time! Why I’m actually vacationing on my vacation
Vacation fun: 44 things you only do when you're on vacation or holiday
Travel: Insider’s guide to the best Seattle outdoor activities
Your insider Seattle trip planner: lodging (where to stay) and getting around (rental car or no rental car?)
An insider’s guide to Seattle’s Pike Place Market
60 fun and unique date ideas for the young at heart
Parenting: A no-fuss guide to your toddler’s birthday party for Pinterest-fatigued parents
What I never expected about Midwest living
How to be the perfect friend: a guide for the ladies
One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned