I’m not yet ready to discuss the Presidential Election and its aftershocks. Nope. This week I’m going to keep it light, for humor is often the best medicine.
 
As I was driving to my favorite café today, I started thinking about the things that I still don’t understand about living in the Midwest. I have only officially lived here since July 2015—that’s less than a year and a half, if you’re counting. So, that makes me a newbie to the region.
 
Here are some of the mysteries of the Midwest that I have yet to unravel (feel free to help a girl out if you can explain!): 

1. Roadside fires. When I first noticed this phenomenon last fall, I was very concerned that some poor, unsuspecting homeowner’s life was about to go up in smoke. Then I noticed several different fires off the main road to our house. It turns out that folks around here have a penchant for burning their own yard waste, often in ditches right next to a busy road. The result is stinky, smoky, and will tempt you to call the fire department. Even my next-door neighbors are known for burning their own yard waste AND TRASH in a big rusted trash receptacle a little too close to our property line. One time I witnessed them burning Styrofoam. Because that is super great for our air quality. 

2. Vanity plates. Why does everyone feel the need to express themselves via their license plates? QT 84, HOTDOC, LAUGH4U…just get a bumper sticker. 

 3. The Horseshoe. Yes, this is a bona-fide local delicacy. Begin with a giant pile of French fries. Add Texas toast. Add a hamburger patty or two. And douse generously with cheese sauce. I will admit that I have not yet tried it because it sounds like something I only want to eat if I’ve had too many beers. I will eventually get around to trying it. The thing that throws me for a loop is the Texas toast. Why does it need to be there? 

4. The expression, ‘and that’. I have only heard this phrase in the Midwest. Let me put it into context. “I’ll be reviewing your application, your references, and that.” That what? Do they mean to say ‘and so on’ or ‘etc.’?

5. Ranch style homes. Ranch homes, which are one level, are incredibly popular ‘round these parts. Because: tornadoes? Or, because: stairs are too much work? I personally prefer the classic two-story home and having truly separate living and sleeping space. To each their own. 

6. Random temporary fencing in empty corn fields. Now that the corn has been harvested, many a corn field lies empty around town. In some of these fields, small, temporary fencing has been installed in seemingly random places, leaving gaping holes across the length of the field. What is this about? Is it to prevent cars from driving into the cornfield by mistake? Or does it provide a barrier for deer? I genuinely want to know. 

7. Men’s discount day at Farm and Home Supply. There is a Farm and Home Supply store right next to my favorite Panera, so I happened to see a sign advertising a discount day for men. Because men are clearly underrepresented in society today. 

8. Lack of toilet seat covers. On the West Coast, toilet seat covers in restaurants and retail establishments are ubiquitous. Here, they are few and far between. This bothers me because of the sheer ‘ick’ factor. Also, there is no extra waste basket near the door so that you can take a paper towel and use it to cover the door handle when you exit, thereby protecting yourself from the germs of the inevitable non-hand-washers. That’s probably a germophobic Seattleite thing. 

9. Video poker parlors everywhere. You see establishments dedicated to video poker all over town in various strip malls. And some restaurants also find it cool to advertise dining and playing the slots. But it’s not classy, people. It’s just not. 

10. I can’t think of a 10th item. But I will say one thing I appreciate now that I’m a mom: the plethora of drive-through dining options! I frequent the Panera drive-thru and we even have a local Asian restaurant with a pick-up window (Mimosa). It’s fabulous!

​Can you help me understand these Midwest oddities? What about your town or region leaves you scratching your head? Leave a comment! 

I’ve been a West Coast girl my entire life, until this past year.

















I was born in Northern California and spent my childhood in endless golden sunshine, heavily chlorinated backyard pools, seething heat, and ocean surf. Until my parents “made” us move to Washington state right before my 13th birthday. Cue me telling friends and family that they were moving, but I wasn’t moving. Mature.

From ages 13 to 30, I lived in and around Seattle. It took me a few years to truly appreciate the Evergreen State, but, let me tell you: it is a magical place. Natural beauty is abundant (Ocean! Two mountain ranges! One giant active volcano! Forestry! Lakes! Rivers!), and so is super fresh sashimi and other “essentials”.  No wonder the real estate market is skyrocketing. 

All this to say, I never imagined myself living anywhere else. My entire extended family on my dad’s side lives in the bay area, and my immediate family lives in the greater Seattle area. Nevertheless, I did move away. I left that West Coast that I love so dearly. I left it for the man I love more than words can say: my husband.

First, we lived in Pittsburgh for a year. We knew it would be temporary, so we rented an apartment with twice the square footage of our Seattle condo, for the same price as our previous mortgage. That was a good introduction to housing markets outside of the West Coast!

Then came the biggest change of all: we moved to the Midwest. For my husband’s dream job. For good.

If someone had told me five years ago that I would be a permanent resident of Central Illinois, I would have laughed it up. And yet, here we are, making a life for ourselves and for our daughter among the cornfields in the Land of Lincoln.

No offense to my fellow Midwesterners, newbies and lifers alike, but there was one thing I never expected about Midwest living: to actually like it!

Yes, busy downtown streets and million dollar rooftop views have been replaced with extra wide highways and sprawling suburbia, but that’s okay!

The living is easy.

There is NO TRAFFIC. Seriously. I can get from one side of town to the other in 15 minutes, regardless of the time of day. No more planning my day/evening based on traffic patterns and avoiding the dreaded Denny Triangle.

The people ARE NICE. Not fake Seattle nice, but genuinely kind.

On our first few days here, we had rented a Suburban (I know, right? Way to blend in). My husband was about to unload groceries out of this behemoth of a vehicle, when a six pack of Blue Moon came crashing down out of the trunk and all over our driveway. It was a mess of epic proportions, since broken glass, beer, and 90+ degree weather were involved. We didn’t even have a broom, a hose or a bucket to our name.

One of our neighbors witnessed the catastrophe and immediately came over to offer assistance. We ended up taking him up on his broom/bucket loaner offer. Then he asked us if we like pulled pork. We are people who say yes to pulled pork. The next day, his wife brought over home smoked pulled pork, coleslaw made from scratch, and sandwich buns. It was such a sweet gesture that made us feel incredibly welcome.

Those aren’t the only kind of neighbors we have here. There is WILDLIFE in our backyard. In Seattle, we didn’t have a yard. We had an alley, and it wasn’t very appealing. In our backyard I have seen all manner of wildlife, including: squirrels, bunnies, cardinals, blue jays, and one brazen beaver that trounces around eating our grass like he owns the place. I assume it’s a ‘he’ with commitment issues, since every time I try to get close to him (for a good photograph), he runs away. Hah.

Finally, it’s a very family-oriented town. Everyone seems to either be pregnant or have children. Now that we have a family of our own, a feeling of community matters to us.

So, Midwest—I didn’t think we would get along, but I am happy to say that we do. Life is funny that way.

Have you ever uttered the words, “I would never…”, only to later eat those words?