Apparently, at the age of 14, I was an amateur astrologist.

Actually, I was a journalism student and reporter for my junior high school newspaper. Reporting on critical current events and, of course, horoscopes.

Happy Throwback Thursday!

Lovable Leo (July 23-August 22)
Whatever floats your boat will eventually cause it to sink. You swear Big Foot leaves fingerprints. You are full of ideas, but half of them are ridiculous.

Vivacious Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Singing in the shower will attract a large crowd. Your bright eyes will cause someone to go blind. Everyone knows your best kept secret.

Look-at-me-Libra (September 23-October 23)
Sleep late and you’ll get the job done. The eyes in the back of your head need a check-up. When money talks, don’t listen.

Super Scorpio (October 24-November 22)
Minted coins have absolutely no flavor. Athlete’s foot won’t improve your running capabilities. The early bird catches some zzz’s.

Stunning Sagittarius (November 23-December 21)
Wearing stilts makes you feel short. Stand close to the microphone and you’ll get good feedback. Let your imagination flow uphill.

Curious Capricorn (December 22-January 20)
See how fast you can get nothing done. Wishing on a star could attract asteroids. Your favorite color is plaid.

Admirable Aquarius (January 21-February 18)
Rushing into the unknown will get you a speeding ticket. Taste the rainbow, once it stops raining. Happiness is manufactured.

Peaceful Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Your most annoying traits are attractive. Your homework ate our dog. Static electricity will cause a power outage.

Awesome Aries (March 21-April 19)
Trying to breathe underwater will have surprising results. Your pillow is as hard as a rock. Take a bite out of crime, but remember to brush and floss afterward.

Tubular Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You prefer empty fortune cookies. Overcome your worst fears by turning off your night light. Kleenex doesn’t do windows.

Glorious Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Hug a tree only if you’re comfortable with sap. Opportunity comes from the King Foo fighter inside you. Aspirin will give you a headache.

Crazy Cool Cancer (June 22-July 22)
You’ve never worn your favorite shirt. Paint a mental picture with watercolors. Keep your eyes wide shut, and you won’t miss a thing.

​I’ll be typing it exactly as it’s written on paper, since that is half the charm. This was clearly before spell check was invented. I will also add [the reality of what happened] in brackets, nearly 20 years later.

High School Shenanigans

"Here's how I see it. Megan Marsh [my maiden name], student at Lynbrook High School [this was the high school I would have attended, had my family not moved from San Jose to Federal Way, Washington two years later], getting all A’s [I got close to all A’s and took AP classes. GPA was 3.75], yet nervous about college [I only applied to one school and I wasn’t nervous about it. I got in]. Yea, it’s true, but there’s alot more to it than that. In my high school years, I see myself as a cheerleader who can still keep up her grades [that’s exactly what happened! I did cheer for three years]. Sure, I don’t exactly look like a cheerleader now [I was chubby], but there is a lot of time ahead of me before my Lynbrook years [I lost weight the next year]. Besides being involved with sports, I think that I will want to join a few clubs. I’m interested in choir, band, and drama club [I joined none of these clubs]. Of course you probably ask how can I possibly keep my grades up, and also be involved with all of these time consuming activities. Well, right now, I even play an instrument [the piano, which I hated and only played for two years], and I do fantastic in school. Whew! I guess that about sums it up for high school.”

College

“Well, now that I’ve graduated high school, I’m off to….hmmmmm….Point Loma Nazerine College….or Berkeley? Oh, which one should I choose [I chose Seattle Pacific University in Washington]? Let’s see, Point Loma is closer and has better surroundings, but Berkeley is more challenging! Alright, I’ve made up my mind, I choose Point Loma. It has people of my own Christian faith, and I’ll probably never have to face the temptation of drinking, smoking, or doing drugs [hilarious!]. Horray for me! Choosing a college is a very important decision. It decides what you will major in, and what kind of job you will get. Right now, I want to have my name in the theatre, and I hope to be a star [I don’t even remember wanting to be in show business! I think I had done a few church plays at this point]. But if I don’t make it into show business [didn’t happen, didn’t try], I hope to be a singer [nope] or an artist [I still consider myself an artist. I paint, write and take photos in my spare time]. With this in mind, I think I will major in Graphic Designing [great! A major that doesn’t even exist! I majored in journalism.].”

Finding “Mr. Right”

“After four long years of college, I am finally ready to get out into the real world [the real world is much scarier!]. I am not going to get married until I find “ Mr. Right “ [so glad this really happened]. After he is found, I am going to get married, but wait to start a family. If I had children too soon, I might not be ready financially to start a career, and be a mother at the same time [good lord, how was I so responsible?]. I’d have the responsibility to nurse and care for a human being, and I don’t think that I will be ready for that the first year of marrage [we’re expecting our first child in January, 2.5 years after our wedding]. However, once I get my career going, being a cartoonist [WTF????], I might be ready to have children [because cartooning and procreation obviously go hand in hand]. I would live with my husband in Monterey, California, right by the ocean [we currently live in Pittsburgh. There is no ocean here]. This would be great because we could stroll along the beaches, and if we had children, they’d have tons of fun on the wharf and making sandcastles [we’ll do this on future vacations]. I’d like the weather always in the 70’s.”

My Life as a Married Woman

“I think that I’d have a schedule for each day. Say, first, I get up, brush my teeth, shower, and dress [groundbreaking stuff]. Next, I’ll make breakfast, and take the kids to school. Then, at about 9:00, I’ll go to work. I’ll come home at about 6:00, and make dinner. At 6:30, I’ll call the kids in, and we’ll have a nice family meal [sounds wonderful!]. After dinner, the kids will do their homework, and I’ll relax [guess I won’t be helping them with said homework]. At 10:00, I’ll go to bed, and get up at 7:00 the next morning. In my free time, I, Megan __________ [Sharma], will probably enjoy cooking and sewing [the only thing I’ve ever sewn is a bandana. But I love cooking]. If my husband really loves me, he’ll watch the kids when I’m exhausted [are you listening, Arun?]. 

When 30 Happens

“By the year 2013, I will be 30 years old.    YIKES!    I could never see myself being that old, but it has to happen sometime [truth. And I’m almost 31]. Well, anyway, when I’m 30, I think that the medical world will be A LOT more advanced. Doctors might even find a cure for cancer, and AIDS [still working on that]. It would save millions of lifes if they did. I think that the world will have long completed, and perfected the solar car [I was right about one thing]. Then we would have a less polluted world, and a better environment for plants and animals [if only]. 

Well, that’s enough humiliation for one night. Stay tuned for the next edition of my autobiographical Throwback Thursday.