Megan Sharma's Blog: The Savvy Surgeon's Wife

How to be the perfect employee: 46 tips that may or may not get you fired

4/27/2017

I am no stranger to being managed. Ever since the day back in high school when I set foot in the Federal Way, WA Old Navy (now a Trader Joe’s), donned my navy-blue employee t-shirt, clipped on my walkie talkie, and learned the many virtues of Old Navy performance fleece, I have been an employee.

My first official job was at Old Navy clothing store. Photo credit: JeepersMedia via VisualHunt / CC BY

Since my early days in affordable fashion for the whole family, I have worked for the State of Washington, on a political campaign for U.S. Senate, for the world’s largest nonprofit organization, for a Seattle-based IT marketing firm, and, most recently, as a Communications Manager for a Northwest technology consulting company. I’ve even been a boss myself.

The bottom line: I’ve had a lot of bosses. I’ve learned from all of them. And over the years, I have picked up on some secrets to pleasing superiors.

Lucky for you, I am going to share those secrets with you today. If you don’t find them groundbreaking and illuminating and life-changing, well…I never claimed they would be. Winky face.

Just to keep you on your toes, I’ve interspersed the real, God’s-honest-truth advice with some suggestions likely to get you fired. ‘Cuz I know you like a challenge, you rock star employee!

Happy reading and happy working!

1. Every day, show up to work on time, if not early

2. Keep a shrine to your boss in your desk, and reveal it to him/her at the exact right moment

3. Learn to accept criticism gracefully

4. Practice your eye roll with your manager while on conference calls (they can’t see you!)

5. Make your ‘yes’ ‘YES’ and your ‘no’ ‘HELL NO!’

Photo credit: Asja. via Visual hunt / CC BY

6. Always demonstrate respect for your colleagues

7. Overpromise and underdeliver. Wait. Is that right?

8. Wear proper workplace attire

9. Be sure to inform people when you think they are wrong, and exactly how wrong they are

10. Save online shopping for your lunch break

11. Save 2-3 hours for your lunch break

12. Remember that your actions reflect on your superiors

13. Always look over your shoulder and lower your voice before mocking a co-worker

14. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before passing judgment

15. Aim for the top but settle for the middle

Photo credit: JohnnyLCY via Visualhunt.com / CC BY

16. Learn to be the best at your job

17. Fake it ‘til you make it

18. Keep your skills up-to-date with training, conferences, trade publications, stretch assignments, and continuing education

19. Know who it is you should impress

20. Treat deadlines as mere suggestions

21. Take frequent sick days and personal days for your mental and spiritual health

22. Understand how your boss is evaluated, what keeps him/her up at night, and how you can help ease his/her burden

23. Promises, schmomises

24. Follow through as if your life depends on it

25. Begin sentences with the words: ‘I’m really busy checking Facebook, but…’

26. Pair each problem presented to your manager with a realistic potential solution

27. Establish a secret meeting place and code names for office gossip

28. Never share the credit

29. Use the last 15-20 minutes of your day to plan your activities and goals for the following day

30. Take risks—like playing online poker at work

Photo credit: Chingster23 via VisualHunt.com / CC BY

31. Be ambitious and know where you want to go

32. Radiate annoyance

33. Radiate confidence

34. Be as honest as Abe

35. Put the ‘I’ in team

36. Help make your manager’s (work) life easier

37. Neglect your personal life if that’s what is required to get ahead

38. Pay attention to the details of personal preference and work style of your leadership team

39. No surprises—do everything you can to prevent your boss from being blindsided

40. Laugh in the face of propriety

41. Air whatever grievances you have extremely publicly

42. Do what you say and say what you do

43. Practice making mistakes

44. Learn from your mistakes

45. Know that perfection is an illusion

46. Simply do your best, day in and day out

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How to be the perfect wife: an amateur tells all

4/20/2017

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Arun and me on our wedding day. Photo by Luna Bella Events, Seattle. Design by Megan Sharma.

My husband and I are coming up on our five-year wedding anniversary this May (hooray for love!). Traditionally that means we would exchange gifts of wood, or silverware. Don’t ask me where those traditions came from. I have not the slightest clue.

Our impending anniversary got me thinking about what it means to be married, and specifically, what it means to be a wife.

Ladies, did you receive advice from mothers, aunts, grandmothers and married friends during your bridal shower, with recommendations such as “never go to bed angry” and “look on the bright side”? I surely did.

My real life prince charming. Photo by Luna Bella Events, Seattle

The moment we were pronounced husband and wife. Photo by Luna Bella Events, Seattle

We changed into traditional Indian attire for our reception. Photo by Luna Bella Events, Seattle

My grandparents have been happily married for nearly 66 years now. Isn’t that the most incredible thing you’ve ever heard? They were high school sweethearts and they’ve been married for exactly twice the length of time that I have been on this earth and they still have witty banter and hold hands at church and represent everything that is good about love and marriage.

My grandparents on their wedding day in 1951. Married happily for nearly 66 years and still going strong!

My grandparents, lifelong love birds

So, as you can see, my grandmother should really be the one to write this blog on how to be a perfect wife. If she did, you would get some solid counsel from one of the coolest ladies in the universe who also happens to save leftover cold, buttered toast from Sunday brunch in her purse (waste not, want not!).

Too bad for you, I’m the one writing, so I get to inject my own sarcastic sense of humor.

Thus, how to be the perfect wife:

Work hard to maintain your womanly figure, to please your man. But don’t focus too much on outer appearances and do it to be healthy, not to maintain a pervasive cultural standard of beauty.

Always have a hot dinner on the table and a cocktail waiting for your husband when he returns from work. But sometimes rush out the door to your girls’ night happy hour while informing your husband that there are Lean Cuisines in the freezer, or he can cook for himself.

Submit to your husband. That is, submit your ‘honey-do’ list on a regular basis.

In an argument, your beloved should always have the last word. Unless that last word happens to contradict your point.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Passive aggressive behavior is usually more effective, anyway.

Never begin a sentence with the word ‘you’. ‘I feel like duct taping your mouth shut’ is more sensitive to your partner’s feelings.

Remember that a woman’s place is in the home. Or in the office. Or in the White House. Or in the spa. Or wherever she damn well pleases.

You must always stroke that delicate ego of his. And then shut it down at precisely the right moment.

Don’t forget to apply makeup, style your hair, and dress in a manner that your husband finds attractive. Except on yoga pants-messy bun-no makeup days.

The perfect wife keeps her home spic and span at all times. Or at least occasionally clears a walkway through the chaos.

Are you still with me?

In all seriousness, there is no such thing as perfection when it comes to husbands, wives and marriages. All we can do is our best and hope for the best.

I still remember the advice my dad gave in his father of the bride speech on our wedding day. He and my mom have been married for almost 37 years now, so they are another excellent example of a marriage gone right.

Remember that your partner has your best interests at heart. Remember that you’re on the same team.

My parents on a date before they got married. Too cute!

My parents and their absolutely enormous wedding party. Married nearly 37 years now!

Cheers to long-lasting love and marriage!

On our honeymoon in Hawaii. Photo by Toby Hoogs photography.

And they lived happily ever after...photo by Toby Hoogs photography

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25 spring cleaning tips that anyone can do

4/13/2017

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Alas, it’s that time of year: sunlight streams into your home, revealing dust and dirt that you somehow never noticed during the frigid winter months.

Spring cleaning is either loved or hated by all. But everyone can manage at least a few of these simple spring cleaning tips.

25 spring cleaning tips that even lazy people can do:

1.    Clean out your fridge. Start by removing everything and giving the shelving a wipe-down (don’t use harsh cleaners). Then check expiration dates on your condiments—toss anything that’s past its prime.

2.   Tackle your freezer. See what you’ve got frozen down in the depths and plan some meals around it to free up space. Make sure to thaw meats and seafoods safely.

3.   Don’t neglect light fixtures. Light fixtures should be given a good dusting at least every couple of months. So, break out that step ladder!

4.   Get your outdoor furniture party-ready. Give your patio, deck or porch furniture (especially wrought iron) a good wipe down with a rag and some water, and you’re good to go.

5. Get rid of burnt popcorn smell. Clean your microwave the natural way: cut a lemon in half, add a sprinkle of kosher salt, and use it to scrub the inside of the microwave. Lovely smell and cleaning power from citric acid!

6. Freshen your carpet. Sprinkle baking soda on your carpet, then leave it there for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, vacuum.

7. Windows are the windows to the soul. Give some love to your windows—both inside and out. And don’t forget to open them up and clean that dirt-loving window track.

8. Caress your cabinets. Remove grease and dirt from your kitchen cabinets with wood cleaner or a mixture of 1 quart hot water and ½ cup lemon juice.

9. Power to the cleaner. Empty and add a new filter to your vacuum cleaner so it can do the job right. Make this a regular habit.

10. Showered with freshness. If you use a plastic shower curtain and/or shower curtain liner, wash with a load of dirty towels and then hang to dry. Fabric curtains can also be washed, of course.

Photo credit: Wicker Paradise via Visualhunt / CC BY

11. Give your garage a sweep. Literally. Sweep out the dead leaves, cobwebs, and dirt that have accumulated all winter.

12. Clean your keyboard. Use a cotton ball or Q-tip spritzed with a tiny bit of antibacterial cleaning spray to clean those hard-to-reach crevices in your computer keyboard.

13. It’s toaster time. Empty the charred crumbs from your toaster or toaster oven.

14. Skip the air freshener. Create a fresh smelling and inviting bathroom by adding a few drops of essential oil to the inside of your toilet paper roll.

15. Do the seasonal swap. When it seems to be more spring than winter, I do the ‘seasonal swap’ with my clothes and shoes, trading my winter boots on our shoe rack for sandals. This is also the perfect time to go through your wardrobe and set aside items you haven’t worn or used for over a year for donating. This will also save you money when shopping for the new season, because you’ll know what’s already in your closet.

Photo credit: emily @ go haus go via VisualHunt.com / CC BY

16. De-grubify toys. Got kids? Give their plastic toys (none with batteries, obviously) a little bath with warm water and dish soap. You could even use your bathtub for the job—simply plug the drain.

17. Trash talk. Notice that the rubbish smell persists even after you’ve taken out the trash? Give the inside of your trash cans a good antibacterial wipe down and let them dry.

18. Out with the old. Recycle old magazines, donate books you no longer read, file away the most special cards and letters, and make room for the new.

19. Fanfare. Use an old pillowcase to clean individual blades of a ceiling fan without taking a dust shower.

20. I’ll take a coffee, hold the mold. Clean out your classic coffee maker or pod style machine with these instructions, and enjoy a better cup of joe.

Photo credit: TheBetterDay via VisualHunt / CC BY-ND

21. Clean your oven the natural way. Those oven cleaning chemicals can be horrendous-smelling. Try it with baking soda and vinegar, instead.

22. Want cleaner clothes? Don’t forget to clean your washing machine once a year.

23. Breathe easier. Replace your air filters every 90 days. This helps keep allergens out of your home and also prevents a fire hazard.

24. Unblock your showerheads. Remove the grime from your showerheads with this simple trick: fill a clear plastic sandwich bag with warm water, vinegar and lemon juice. Then tie the bag snugly around the shower nozzle, allowing it to soak in and eat up that dirt.

25. De-dustify your lampshades. Use a lint roller to remove that stubborn dust without damaging your lampshade.

So, who wants to come clean my house?

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100 believable excuses to help you avoid doing practically anything

4/6/2017

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Got a hankering for procrastination? Aiming to avoid an unpleasant social situation? Get your fill here!

Now, I'm all for accountability and doing what's right. But every now and then we need a polite reason to say 'no'.

Check out these totally legit excuses for just about anything.

I think I’m getting sick
I’m SO sick
My dog is sick
My cat is sick
My kids are sick
My iguana is sick
It’s that time of the month (for the ladies, only)
I need to visit the veterinarian
I have a doctor’s appointment
I have a dentist appointment

   11. I have a doctor’s note
12. I’m allergic to it
13. I’m pregnant
14. I just had a baby
15. My wife is pregnant
16. My wife just had a baby
17. I’m too tired
   18. My kids are too tired/cranky
   19. I’m too busy
20. It’s too cold

21. It’s too hot
22. The weather is too perfect
23. I don’t have the money
24. I don’t have the time
25. I don’t have the desire
26. I have nothing to wear
27. I’ve never done it before
28. I’ve done it too many times before
29. I have a prior commitment
30. I’ll have to play it by ear

31. I don’t have a babysitter
32. I can’t afford a babysitter
33. Our babysitter quit
34. It’s not in the budget
35. I won’t know until I have a budget
36. My psychic said not to
37. My shrink said not to
38. My husband/wife said not to
39. I’m not in the mood
40. It’s one of my biggest fears

41. I’ll need to think about it, first
42. I haven’t had my coffee yet
43. I haven’t had my wine yet
44. I haven’t had my whiskey yet
45. I have to work
46. My husband/wife has to work
47. My life is too complicated
48. My life is boring, but I like it that way
49. That’s not my job
50. That’s his job

Photo credit: atramos via Visualhunt.com / CC BY

51. That’s her job
52. Why don’t we see if the intern can manage it?
53. I’m too drunk
54. I’m not drunk enough
55. I’m going out of town
56. I’m out of town
57. I just returned from being out of town
58. This isn’t a priority for me
59. I don’t know what my priorities are
60. I’m too busy writing my bucket list

61. I’m too busy pining over my bucket list
62. I’m too busy living my bucket list
63. I thought you were only joking
64. I was only joking
65. I thought you meant next week
66. I thought you were speaking to someone else
67. I didn’t think you were serious about that
68. My computer is broken
69. My computer has a virus
70. I need to buy a new computer

71. We don’t know each other well enough for that
72. We know each other all too well
73. I have no memory of that
74. My back hurts
75. My knees hurt
76. I just got Lasik
77. The timing is off right now
78. It’s not you, it’s me
79. I have a conference
80. I have a meeting

81. I have to check my email
82. My kids are potty training
83. I have to drop off/pick up my kids from school
84. I have to visit my grandfather in the hospital
85. I already have plans
86. I must wait at home for a delivery
87. I must wait at home for a service call
88. My favorite show is on TV (because I live in another century and don’t have On Demand)
89. I thought you were being sarcastic
90. My hamster died

91. I was being sarcastic
92. It’s against my religion
93. I’m not religious
94. My parents would kill me if they found out
95. My kids would kill me if they found out
96. I’m not allowed to
97. I don't have the energy
98. My boss said I shouldn’t
99. If the President of the United States doesn’t do it, nor will I
100. It’s a full moon