In most cases, these lies are innocuous and serve the child’s greater good.
Sometimes, though…sometimes a little white lie is the only thing that stands between a parent and exclusive membership to Club Cuckoo Bananas.
Might as well own it.
1. Santa/God/Jesus/Your Teacher/Preferred Religious or Authority Figure knows exactly what you’re doing
It’s like having a nanny cam 24/7—even at school. So, don’t even try it, kid.
2. Sorry, the toy store is closed today
And the next day, and the next day, and the next. Until you forget about that ridiculous talking/singing migraine-maker.
3. No, I’m not eating anything
Because I already shoved it down my throat before you could catch a glimpse of your precious Doritos
4. If you don’t start behaving, they are going to kick you out of here
Even if ‘here’ is literally the hell known as Chuck E. Cheese’s
5. Eat your vegetables or your face will fall off
Because green beans have been known to prevent acute face melti-ture
And take my phantom daughter to daycare. Obviously.
7. You wouldn’t like it, it’s yucky/spicy/gross/only for grownups
Mmmmmm, red velvet cheesecake…
8. I am everywhere
Yup, I’m like gluten. Good luck trying to get rid of me.
9. My phone is broken/dead/sleeping right now
Until you get distracted by something else, that is
10. Mommy and Daddy are also going to bed
In several hours. After we catch up on “Designated Survivor”
Although according to lie number one, he/she is always watching you, so there’s that.
12. It’s your bed time! Hop to it!
Or 20 minutes before I want you in bed, but let’s not get too caught up in the math
13. My credit card isn’t working, so we can’t buy it
Are YOU buying this? Good.
14. I know everything
15. Oh no, “Frozen” isn’t loading!
Because I didn’t put it in the DVD player
It’s a very specific hearing problem
17. The car won’t start unless you buckle up
Pay no attention to that big, red start/stop button next to the steering wheel
18. Let’s just rest our eyes for a bit
My grandmother used to use this one on me all the time. It worked!
19. I know when you’re lying
But I hope you don’t know when I’m lying
20. I haven’t seen your old ratty toy anywhere
Since I threw it in the garbage and prayed you would move on
21. Maybe tomorrow/next time/another time
‘Maybe’ should have been your first clue that this wasn’t going to happen
You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
Parenting Life: I Can’t Feel Guilty if…(Holiday Edition)
Family fun: How to have a less stressful and happier holiday season
Mom Life: Imagine a World Run by Moms
60 fun and unique date ideas for the young at heart
Parenting: A no-fuss guide to your toddler’s birthday party for Pinterest-fatigued parents
Baby/toddler travel guide series: going international
Baby/toddler travel guide series: what to pack
Baby/toddler travel guide series: the essentials!
Boss baby: 22 traits shared by 2-year-olds and bad bosses
Vacation fun: 44 things you only do when you're on vacation or holiday
Cruise with kids: 20 secrets to a successful family cruise with toddlers (baby/toddler travel guide series)
Cruise with kids: Entertainment strategies that keep the whole family happy (baby/toddler travel guide series)
Cruise with kids: Travel tips for cruising with toddlers (baby/toddler travel guide series)