Parenting: You know you’re a mom (of young children) when…

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• Getting ‘all dolled up’ isn’t about beautifying yourself. It means you’re having a tea party. With dolls.

 

• You keep kid juice (organic apple juice boxes) and adult juice (wine, wine and more wine) in the house at all times.

 

• You need tummy control…ev-ery-thing.

 

• Only after you’ve read all the parenting books on the market do you allow yourself to indulge in that tempting NYT Best Seller.

 

• Shoes from your life before kids: heels, a dash of red, a sprinkle of animal print. Shoes from your mom life: they’re all flat and hella comfy. That is all.

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• You wish you had thought of Spanx. You’d totally be rich.

 

• You’re tempted to frame a few scribbles on construction paper in a museum quality frame.

 

• You are the only person in your household who knows the location of all the food items.

 

• You drink coffee until it’s socially acceptable to drink wine.

 

• Your idea of a spa treatment is a hot shower—alone.

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• Just when you don’t think your heart could possibly hold any more love, it expands just a little more.

 

• If you push your belly out just so, you can look like you’re pregnant again. It’s a gift.

 

• You enjoy shopping more for children’s clothing and accessories than for yourself.

 

• You put on just enough makeup to avoid looking like a zombie. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

• You only have time to catch up with your girlfriends while driving in the car. Thank goodness for Bluetooth systems!

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• You’re a master of the art of the faux shower.

 

• Your parameters for clothing purchases include: will it hide smudges from chocolate chip cookies? Sold.

 

• You’re practiced in spelling out words when conversing with your partner.

 

• You listen to Kidz Bop radio when your children are not in the car.

 

• You feel so relaxed when getting your eyebrows waxed that you don’t want to get up.

 

• Goldfish crackers are as much a part of your purse as your credit card and driver’s license.