Hello, friends! Happy New Year to all of you!
 
I, for one, am especially pumped about 2018.
 
Why?
 
Because this is the year I will self-publish my debut nonfiction book: “Memoirs of a Surgeon’s Wife: I’m Throwing Your Damn Pager into the Ocean”.
 
And let me tell ya, this thing, this passion project of mine, has been a long time coming. 

I started writing “Memoirs of a Surgeon’s Wife” in 2013 while I was working full-time as a Corporate Communications Manager. It was something I did on weeknights and weekends whenever I could muster the energy and inspiration.
 
Then, life decided to throw me a few more curve balls – namely, pregnancy and motherhood.
 
I didn’t work on the book for a whole YEAR.
 
It wasn’t until my daughter was 15 months old and started part-time day care that I was finally able to turn my attention to my book once again.
 
In less than six months, I finished the first draft. I was elated. I had written a BOOK! 

To keep things moving, I strategically planned to attend the 2017 San Francisco Writers Conference, which forced me to quickly write my nonfiction book proposal, create and hone my elevator pitch, and research potential literary agents to represent my book.
 
At the conference last February, I pitched my book to several literary agents in person, and received three requests for my manuscript and book proposal, a huge win.
 
I also started tackling a necessity for today’s authors: building an ‘author platform’, or online presence for readers. Most of 2017 was spent in pursuit of this challenging endeavor.
 
I am thrilled to report that I now have nearly 10,000 followers across Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and my email subscribers (and growing). 

The one thing I was not able to accomplish in 2017 was to contract with a literary agent to represent my work, with the goal of securing a traditional publishing contract. I did have conversations with a few individuals and some positive feedback, but nothing more materialized. I could sit around and moan and whine about it all day, but I won’t.
 
Instead, I’m taking matters into my own hands: I’m self-publishing my memoir in 2018.
 
Have I done this before? Kinda.
 
I mean, I did publish this book, 100 of Your Toughest Business Emails: Solved, so I have some experience. 

But taking charge of the complete book production, launch and marketing strategy for a full-length memoir? Nope, haven’t done it yet.
 
Here’s the thing: I’m not worried. I’m beyond-words excited.
 
What I don’t know how to do now I will figure out. I will ask for help when I need it. And I will remember that if something doesn’t seem just a tad bit scary, it’s probably not worth doing.
 
Why, exactly, have I decided to self-publish?
 
Because the very thought of it fills me with joy, honestly. And I want other medical couples out there to know that they can and will get through the training years and the difficult times.
 
So, that’s the big news for 2018. 

Want to get involved?
 
I will be recruiting an exclusive launch team to help me spread the word about “Memoirs of a Surgeon’s Wife”. These folks will get to read the book before everyone else, will score a free copy, and will be privy to and part of the action behind the scenes of a real live book launch.
 
More on this soon – watch this blog for details.
 
What challenges are YOU taking on this year? Cheers to possibility! 

I was recently inspired by Dr. Suzanne Koven’s Letter to a Young Female Physician, published in “The New England Journal of Medicine”.
 
In her letter to herself as a young doctor, Dr. Koven describes the challenges she will face and the battle waging within her own mind: “I have wasted much time and energy in my career looking for reassurance that I was not a fraud”.   
 
She ends on a positive note: “My dear young colleague, you are not a fraud. You are a flawed and unique human being, with excellent training and an admirable sense of purpose.”
 
Like any good Millennial, I immediately related her story to myself. 

I thought about what I would have told my future self about what it’s like dating, being engaged to, and being married to a doctor.
 
If I had powers to predict the future, would I have made different decisions? Would I have changed the course of my life?

The answer is, most emphatically, NO. I would not.
 
Because when you find the love of your life, you don’t let him go.

Here is my personal Letter to a Young Doctor’s Girlfriend:

​Dear Young Doctor’s Girlfriend:
 
So, you’ve met someone? And that someone is a doctor? Kudos. Mazel. Cheers!
 
As your future self, I say this with the utmost respect and admiration: you have no an idea what you’re getting yourself into.
 
I mean, you’re only 25, first of all (which is basically the new 19).
 
But you’re falling quickly. This one is different. You can feel it in your bones.
 
You’ll fall in love and spend your time like two peas in a pod. Eventually you will get engaged and married and have babies and buy a house together. All in good time, my dear.
 
For now, you’re content to snuggle on the couch watching Netflix and ordering calorie-laden Thai takeout from Golden Singha down the street.
 
The early days and even years won’t be without struggle, however.
 
Need I remind you that you are dating an ENT surgical resident, who has just started the first of his six-year residency training? It’s a long road. And even longer when you add that one-year fellowship to the end of it.
 
During your boyfriend’s first year of residency, he will have no control over his vacation schedule. His superiors will determine when he takes time off. 
 
You’ll still manage to squeeze in an awesome trip to Puerto Vallarta to celebrate the end of intern year, your first of many international trips together.
 
Most nights, you’ll be lucky to see your man before 8:00 pm. When he does finally trudge through the door, he’ll be buried in work and will (10 to 1) fall asleep on the couch in his scrubs. Happy hour is out of the question.
 
You’ll grow accustomed to attending social events solo. Most of the time, your boyfriend will be on call or at the hospital whenever you make plans with your friends or family. Same goes for holidays—flip a coin.
 
He will wake you up every morning at 4:00 when he rises to prepare for the day. I know you’re not a morning person, never mind a middle of the night person. Get used to it!
 
His pager will become your most despised enemy. That thing literally never shuts up. It interrupts meals, sleep, shopping trips, conversations, romantic time, and even fights. Of course, it will cause fights, as well.
 
Financially, let’s just say that you will carry the burden for a few years. Seattle is an expensive city, and resident salaries don’t exactly match up to the cost of living.
 
You are one of the lucky couples who won’t have to grapple for years with medical school debt (THANK GOD FOR THAT FULL SCHOLARSHIP!), so be grateful.
 
Believe it or not, once you get engaged (on your two-year anniversary while snowshoeing in Methow Valley, WA), you will plan your entire wedding around your fiancé’s rotation schedule. You will do most of the planning during his research year.
 
PS: An 18-month engagement is way too long. A year would have been just fine.
 
Once you finally get through six years of residency training, you’ll be jubilant, but you’re nowhere near off the hook.
 
You’ve lived on the West Coast for your entire life. All your beloved friends and family are in Seattle. Say goodbye to all that.
 
You’ve got a move on the horizon. A big one.
 
You’ll be trekking cross-country to Pittsburgh. In five short days. On your own dime. And then your husband will start his fellowship training while your newly rented apartment remains stacked to the ceiling with boxes, and you’ve got to get back to work, as well.
 
Wait! I almost forgot. Before that, you’ll sell your condo in Seattle two months before the end of residency. You’ll both move in with your parents while you wait it out.
 
And…oh, yes. You’ll also be PREGNANT.
 
You were going to drive cross-country to Pittsburgh, but your 24/7 nausea forced you to fly and make arrangements to ship your car.
 
One year later, after you have your first baby together, you husband will come to the end of his surgical training—a mere 16 years of education post high school.
 
You’ll pack those boxes once again. This time, to the Midwest, for your husband’s dream job. You’ll buy a beautiful home together, where your family can continue to grow.
 
True, life does get easier with your husband being an attending physician. But it also means he has ultimate responsibility for his patients, both ethically and legally.
 
You will buy expensive disability insurance, malpractice insurance, and life insurance to provide a snippet of comfort for the great, unknowable future.
 
Your husband will still round every weekend. He’ll still work late into every evening. He’ll attend more conferences, give more talks.
 
The life of a doctor’s wife is one of understanding and sacrifice.
 
You and your husband are truly a team, even though things are not always equal. Don’t keep score.
 
Whether you like it or not, you are both married to medicine. You’ll never escape that.
 
Just remember that you chose one another. Invest in your love and keep it strong.
 
It’s because of love that you’ve made it this far.
 
Warmest regards,
 
Megan
Your Future Self

Check out my debut book on love and modern medicine

My husband and I are coming up on our five-year wedding anniversary this May (hooray for love!). Traditionally that means we would exchange gifts of wood, or silverware. Don’t ask me where those traditions came from. I have not the slightest clue.
 
Our impending anniversary got me thinking about what it means to be married, and specifically, what it means to be a wife.

Ladies, did you receive advice from mothers, aunts, grandmothers and married friends during your bridal shower, with recommendations such as “never go to bed angry” and “look on the bright side”? I surely did. 

My grandparents have been happily married for nearly 66 years now. Isn’t that the most incredible thing you’ve ever heard? They were high school sweethearts and they’ve been married for exactly twice the length of time that I have been on this earth and they still have witty banter and hold hands at church and represent everything that is good about love and marriage. 

So, as you can see, my grandmother should really be the one to write this blog on how to be a perfect wife. If she did, you would get some solid counsel from one of the coolest ladies in the universe who also happens to save leftover cold, buttered toast from Sunday brunch in her purse (waste not, want not!).
 
Too bad for you, I’m the one writing, so I get to inject my own sarcastic sense of humor.
 
Thus, how to be the perfect wife:

• Work hard to maintain your womanly figure, to please your man. But don’t focus too much on outer appearances and do it to be healthy, not to maintain a pervasive cultural standard of beauty.

 

• Always have a hot dinner on the table and a cocktail waiting for your husband when he returns from work. But sometimes rush out the door to your girls’ night happy hour while informing your husband that there are Lean Cuisines in the freezer, or he can cook for himself.

• Submit to your husband. That is, submit your ‘honey-do’ list on a regular basis.

 

• In an argument, your beloved should always have the last word. Unless that last word happens to contradict your point.

• ​If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Passive aggressive behavior is usually more effective, anyway.

 

• Never begin a sentence with the word ‘you’. ‘I feel like duct taping your mouth shut’ is more sensitive to your partner’s feelings. 

• ​Remember that a woman’s place is in the home. Or in the office. Or in the White House. Or in the spa. Or wherever she damn well pleases.

 

• You must always stroke that delicate ego of his. And then shut it down at precisely the right moment. 

• Don’t forget to apply makeup, style your hair, and dress in a manner that your husband finds attractive. Except on yoga pants-messy bun-no makeup days.

 

• The perfect wife keeps her home spic and span at all times. Or at least occasionally clears a walkway through the chaos. 

Are you still with me?

In all seriousness, there is no such thing as perfection when it comes to husbands, wives and marriages. All we can do is our best and hope for the best.
 
I still remember the advice my dad gave in his father of the bride speech on our wedding day. He and my mom have been married for almost 37 years now, so they are another excellent example of a marriage gone right.
 
Remember that your partner has your best interests at heart. Remember that you’re on the same team. 

When you’re married to medicine, the symptoms are obvious:

1.    You can’t make it through a full-length movie, much less a one-hour TV show, without your Dr. Husband/Wife (Dr.H/W) falling asleep on the couch midway.

2.     There are more pens in your house than in Office Depot.

3.     Your bookshelf is 90% full of medical literature and 10% full of your personal ‘fun reading’.

4.    Certain friends, colleagues and neighbors with schedules that conflict with your beloved’s doubt your Dr.H/W’s existence.

5.    You have a weekly meeting with your Dr.H/W to compare schedules and to see if you can really make it to that girls’ night out.

6.   Your medical lingo for your Dr.H/W’s specialty is on point, even though you’ve never been to medical school.

7.      When you meet new people, you expect them to ask you how realistic “Grey’s Anatomy” really is.

8.      Your Dr.H/W has triaged a medical emergency on a plane (in only his socks. Yup.).

9.    You’re constantly throwing away the surgical marking pens your Dr.H/W surreptitiously brings home.

10.    By virtue of your spouse’s profession, people automatically assume you lead a rich and glamorous life (think again!). 

11.     You understand that when your Dr.H/W finally becomes an attending physician, he/she will still have to visit patients on weekends and do emergency surgeries at any time of day or night.

12.   Your partner is sometimes hesitant to tell new acquaintances what he/she does for a living, because he/she is constantly being asked for medical advice from strangers. Who are not patients.

13.      You still haven’t fully unpacked your office after nearly two years in your new home (guilty!).

14.      You receive letters every week for fundraisers and charity events.

15.     Your Dr.H/W enjoys diagnosing diseases and identifying surgical scars, anywhere from the local mall to the people appearing on HGTV.

16.    You can ask your Dr.H/W pretty much any medical question and he/she will generally have an answer for you. And if they don’t know, they will be unable to resist looking it up in the literature.

17.    Your Dr.H/W has an unfair advantage both in Scrabble matches and in any Latin language category of “Jeopardy”.

​18.      The next vacation is always on your Dr.H/W’s mind.

19.     You genuinely care about health care legislation, because it impacts your family.

20.    Your wedding was planned during a more forgiving segment of your Dr.H/W’s training.

For more on the realities of life with a surgeon, check out my book, "Memoirs of a Surgeon's Wife."

You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
Parenting: You know you’re a mom (of young children) when…
A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me
Celebrating Women’s History Month: 10 women of medicine and science that will knock your socks off
Physician Family guest blog: Does Match Day dictate your destiny? A surgeon’s wife weighs in
Book preview for When Medicine Meets Holy Matrimony: A word to mothers who aspire to have a surgeon-in-law
Book preview for When Medicine Meets Holy Matrimony: No, I don’t want no scrubs
Book preview for When Medicine Meets Holy Matrimony: For the love of Danskos
Book preview for When Medicine Meets Holy Matrimony: The other shoe
10 ways to overcome a creative block and find inspiration 

Did you know that March is Women’s History Month? It is, indeed.
 
In doing research for my book, When Medicine Meets Holy Matrimony: A Surgeon’s Wife Tells It Like It Is, I discovered several women of medicine and the sciences that impressed the heck out of me. Some names may be familiar and some may be new to you.
 
10 women of medicine and science that will knock your socks off:

1.     Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell: Dr. Blackwell paved the way for women physicians in America by becoming the first woman to receive an M.D. degree from an American medical school in 1849. Before earning this coveted title and graduating first in her class, no less, Dr. Blackwell faced rejection after rejection from U.S. medical schools. She was even advised to travel to Paris and disguise herself as a man to obtain her medical training, which she declined to do. Dr. Blackwell went on to found a full-scale hospital which still exists today as the New York University Downtown Hospital and also founded the Woman’s Medical College of New York Infirmary in 1868, giving women the opportunity for a medical education when they were denied admittance to the all-male medical colleges of the period. Dr. Blackwell dedicated her life to championing women and fighting for women’s rights.  

2.  Dr. Rebecca Crumpler: Dr. Crumpler is distinguished as the first African American woman in the U.S. to earn a medical degree in 1864. Following the end of the Civil War, Dr. Crumpler joined other African American physicians caring for freed slaves who would otherwise have no access to medical care. In 1883 Dr. Crumpler published her “Book of Medical Discourses”, an exceptionally rare accomplishment for an African American in her day and age. Most of what we know of Dr. Crumpler comes from this book. Unfortunately, there are no surviving photographs or images of Dr. Crumpler. 

3.    Clara Barton: Clarissa Harlowe Barton, who preferred to be called Clara, put herself directly in the line of danger during the Civil War to comfort, nurse and cook for the wounded. She founded the American Red Cross in 1881 at the age of 60 and led it for the next 23 years. Her personal passion and gift for service will always be remembered. 

4.    Dr. Bertha Van Hoosen: This was a woman with a fighting spirit. Dr. Van Hoosen earned both her bachelor’s degree and her medical degree, despite her parents’ refusal to finance her education. And although her appointment was opposed by the all-male faculty, she became a professor of gynecology at the Illinois University Medical School. She became increasingly vocal about the medical establishment’s discrimination toward women, and was barred from the Chicago Gynecological and Obstetrical Society. In 1915, she gathered a meeting of women in Chicago that eventually led to the formation of the American Medical Women’s Association. She served as the organization’s first president.

5.   Rosalind Franklin: Even if you don’t know her name, you know her work. Rosalind Franklin was a brilliant chemist whose studies of x-ray diffraction provided critical clues into the structure of DNA, the building blocks of life. Unfortunately, she was not recognized for her contributions until long after her death. Rosalind succumbed to ovarian cancer at a young age. Her colleagues, James Watson, Francis Crick and Maurice Wilkins, were awarded the Nobel Prize for discovering the double helix after viewing x-ray photographs of DNA taken by Rosalind. 

6.    Dr. Mary Edwards Walker: Dr. Walker was both a physician and a women’s rights advocate. She was the first woman awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for her work as a surgeon during the Civil War. Although her name (along with others) was removed from the honoree list in 1917 during a period of confusion and turmoil regarding eligibility, she refused to give up her medal. She continued to wear it proudly for the rest of her life. Many years after her death, thanks to efforts of her family and a reappraisal of her work by Congress, the honor was finally restored to Dr. Walker in 1977.

7.     Dr. Virginia Apgar: Dr. Apgar was the first woman to become a full professor at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons. Parents also know her as the woman behind the Apgar Score, the first standardized method for evaluating a newborn baby’s transition to life outside the womb. 

8.     Dr. Mary Amanda Dixon Jones: Dr. Dixon Jones became internationally known as a surgeon in obstetrics and gynecology at a time when women physicians struggled to build careers in the field (during the Civil War era). She was the first person in the U.S. to propose and perform a full hysterectomy (surgical removal of the uterus) to treat uterine tumors. 

9.    Dr. Leona Baumgartner: Dr. Baumgartner’s passion for public health stemmed partially from her pediatric home visits to some of the poorest areas of Depression-Era New York in the mid-1930s, where she connected the dots between poverty and ill-health. She served as the first female commissioner of New York City’s Department of Health from 1954-1962, leveraging her role to bring basic health and hygiene advice to millions of Americans via frequent TV and radio broadcasts, as well as sending health care professionals to visit schools and churches. 

10.  Madame Marie Curie: Mme. Curie is a household name and a winner of two Nobel Prizes for her work in radioactivity. But you may not know that she won her second Nobel Prize in the midst of tragedy. She shared her first Nobel Prize in the field of nuclear physics with her husband Pierre Curie and colleague Henry Becquerel in 1903. In 1906, her beloved Pierre was killed after stepping in front of a horse-drawn carriage, leaving Marie alone to raise two young daughters and to carry on their legacy. She won her second Nobel Prize in chemistry in 1911 for her discovery of radium and polonium. After a lifetime dedicated to scientific discovery that led to breakthroughs in modern medicine, especially in oncology, Mme. Curie died of complications caused by prolonged exposure to radiation.

What women inspire you, historically or present day? Leave your comments!