Hello, there! I just wanted to take a moment away from the craziness to wish you and your family a joyous holiday season.
 
Okay, yes, I’ll admit it – I’m also procrastinating on making my final recipe and grocery list for hosting both sides of our family in our home over Christmas. Let’s just say that the list will not be short.
 
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I look forward to catching up with you in 2018. 

We all know that parents lie, even though sometimes we don’t realize it until we’re fully grown.
 
In most cases, these lies are innocuous and serve the child’s greater good.
 
Sometimes, though…sometimes a little white lie is the only thing that stands between a parent and exclusive membership to Club Cuckoo Bananas.
 
Might as well own it. 

21 Lies Parents Tell Their Kids to Save Their Sanity

1.  Santa/God/Jesus/Your Teacher/Preferred Religious or Authority Figure knows exactly what you’re doing
It’s like having a nanny cam 24/7—even at school. So, don’t even try it, kid.
 
2.  Sorry, the toy store is closed today
And the next day, and the next day, and the next. Until you forget about that ridiculous talking/singing migraine-maker.
 
3.  No, I’m not eating anything
Because I already shoved it down my throat before you could catch a glimpse of your precious Doritos
 
4.  If you don’t start behaving, they are going to kick you out of here
Even if ‘here’ is literally the hell known as Chuck E. Cheese’s
 
5.  Eat your vegetables or your face will fall off
Because green beans have been known to prevent acute face melti-ture 

6.  Hurry up, I’m going to leave without you!
And take my phantom daughter to daycare. Obviously.
 
7.  You wouldn’t like it, it’s yucky/spicy/gross/only for grownups
Mmmmmm, red velvet cheesecake…
 
8.  I am everywhere
Yup, I’m like gluten. Good luck trying to get rid of me.
 
9.  My phone is broken/dead/sleeping right now
Until you get distracted by something else, that is
 
10.  Mommy and Daddy are also going to bed
In several hours. After we catch up on “Designated Survivor”

11.  I hope your teacher doesn’t find out about this
Although according to lie number one, he/she is always watching you, so there’s that.
 
12.  It’s your bed time! Hop to it!
Or 20 minutes before I want you in bed, but let’s not get too caught up in the math
 
13.  My credit card isn’t working, so we can’t buy it
Are YOU buying this? Good.
 
14.  I know everything
Thanks, Google!
 
15.  Oh no, “Frozen” isn’t loading!
Because I didn’t put it in the DVD player. Not today, Elsa! Not today.

​16.  I can’t understand you when you use your whiny voice
It’s a very specific hearing problem
 
17.  The car won’t start unless you buckle up
Pay no attention to that big, red start/stop button next to the steering wheel
 
18.  Let’s just rest our eyes for a bit
My grandmother used to use this one on me all the time. It worked!
 
19.  I know when you’re lying
But I hope you don’t know when I’m lying
 
20.  I haven’t seen your old ratty toy anywhere
Since I threw it in the garbage and prayed you would move on
 
21.  Maybe tomorrow/next time/another time
‘Maybe’ should have been your first clue that this wasn’t going to happen

Okay, people: what other lies have you told your kids? What did your parents tell you when you were growing up? Leave a comment!

You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
Parenting Life: I Can’t Feel Guilty if…(Holiday Edition)
Family fun: How to have a less stressful and happier holiday season
Mom Life: Imagine a World Run by Moms
60 fun and unique date ideas for the young at heart
Parenting: A no-fuss guide to your toddler’s birthday party for Pinterest-fatigued parents
Baby/toddler travel guide series: going international
Baby/toddler travel guide series: what to pack
Baby/toddler travel guide series: the essentials!
Boss baby: 22 traits shared by 2-year-olds and bad bosses
Vacation fun: 44 things you only do when you're on vacation or holiday
Cruise with kids: 20 secrets to a successful family cruise with toddlers (baby/toddler travel guide series)
Cruise with kids: Entertainment strategies that keep the whole family happy (baby/toddler travel guide series)
Cruise with kids: Travel tips for cruising with toddlers (baby/toddler travel guide series)

So, what is up with this whole GUILT thing?
 
Where did it come from? Why is it so hard to shake?
 
Why do I feel the need to write a blog about it to absolve my conscience?
 
I don’t have the answers to these questions. I can only assume that guilt is fundamental and unique to the human experience.
 
I mean, think about it.
 
When a squirrel sees that their neighbor squirrel has just been blessed with a whole tree full of baby squirrels, do you think they feel guilty if they can’t swing by with a homemade acorn pie? 

NO. They do not. Because they are squirrels.
 
The moral of the story: we might be just a tad saner if we aimed to live life more like the squirrels, and delete ‘should’ from our vocabulary.
 
Here we go. Here’s my attempt to shake off some of that guilt.
 
Join me, won’t you?
 
As a parent and an ordinary human being, I can’t feel guilty if…

Thanksgiving is child’s play, right?
 
You simply prepare and serve a harvest-themed feast for a massive group of ‘eclectic’ relatives while keeping your home spotless and your children off the America’s Most Wanted list.
 
You tastefully decorate in shades of burnt sienna and copper. You burn pumpkin spice latte scented candles.
 
You do NOT burn your house down. I repeat – do not burn your house down. This is not part of the plan. Keep a watchful eye on that oven.
 
Each of your seven gourmet, scratch-made pies are ready to go before your guests arrive. 

You, dear hostess, have already showered and even bothered to put on lipstick and some jewelry. The host donned a pair of pants. You’re ready to rock.
 
Even though more than half of your guests never officially RSVP’d, you’re prepared.
 
There is seating for everyone, including the dogs that are apparently coming to dinner. Because…these dogs cannot be left alone. Whatever.
 
All that is left to do is enjoy lively, non-political conversation and bask in the glow of your own awesomeness?
 
Ummm…Yeah…If you didn’t detect my overwhelming sarcasm, I’ll let you in on the secret: Thanksgiving only goes like this in your dreams!

Here are 15 awesome Thanksgiving hacks that save time and energy – For REAL people 
​
1.  Get thee a bucket.
​Visit any home improvement store to purchase a 5-gallon all-purpose bucket, which you can use to brine your turkey for ultimate flavor satisfaction. Just don’t use your bucket for this, for the love of God. And check ahead of time that the bucket fits inside your fridge, or plan to store it in your garage if temperatures are cold enough. 

2.  Chop your chopping time.
​Rather than spending hours chopping everything yourself, visit the fanciest grocery store salad bar you can find and load up on pre-chopped goodness: onions, celery, peppers, bacon, whatever you need. 

3.  Sleep on it.
​Set your Thanksgiving table the night before, so you’re not scrambling at the last minute. You can also do this with your Thanksgiving dinner outfit by choosing and then laying it out. 

4.  Print to prep.
​Print all your recipes before T-Day, and arrange them in order of preparation timing. You may even like to secure the printouts to your kitchen cabinets with painter’s tape to keep the flow going while you cook. 

​5.  Got fridge space?
​When you’re feeding a crowd, it’s tough to find enough space to stow all that food until meal time. If you don’t have an extra refrigerator to act as a pinch hitter, lug out your summer cooler and fill it with pre-prepped Thanksgiving food or any food currently taking up too much room in your fridge. 

6.  Put your crockpot(s) to work.
​Your slow cooker is a great place to stash those perfectly buttery mashed potatoes or sugary sweet potatoes in a warm and cozy environment without sacrificing a stovetop burner. You could even warm green beans or stuffing in the crockpot on keep warm mode. 

7.  You’d butter try this.
​Oh yeah, I went there. Instead of manually cutting in butter for biscuits and pie crusts, grate that butter stick right into the mix. 

8.  Roll with it.
​My mom taught me this trick (because she is THE GREATEST!). To roll perfect pie or biscuit dough without the mess, grab a piece of parchment paper about the size you’ll eventually want the pie to be, and put it on top of your dough ball. Then roll it out with the parchment between the rolling pin and the dough. It works like a charm. 

9.  Create your own pie weights.
​If you’re baking pie, you will need some sort of pie weight to prevent the shell from puffing up during pre-baking. Pie weights are expensive and rarely used. Instead, line the dough with foil or wax paper and use dried beans, uncooked rice or uncooked pasta to do the job.

​10.  Get a jump on dessert.
​It’s just not realistic to have fresh pies right out of the oven after you’ve already cooked enough for the whole neighborhood. Make your pumpkin or pecan pies a day or two ahead of time and keep refrigerated. You can do the same with cranberry sauce. On the big day, remove from the fridge and let the pies come to room temperature. 

11.  Make an organic turkey rack.
​You don’t need a fancy-schmancy roasting rack for your turkey. Elevate your poultry on a chunky bed of carrots, celery and quartered onions. The flavor addition is a nice bonus.

​12.  Keep that gravy warm.
​This is pure genius: keep that luscious gravy warm in an insulated mug/thermos until serving time, then transfer it to a gravy boat. 

13.  Save your dry bird.
​If you overdid it on the turkey, don’t beat yourself up. Just drizzle it with warm chicken broth to bring back moisture and add flavor.

14.  Pretend your guests are your temporary personal assistants. Think of a few easy, out-of-the-way tasks that can be done by guests who (inevitably) ask how they can help. Examples: filling water glasses, opening wine bottles, taking coats and purses to a designated area, passing appetizers, entertaining kids, smuggling vodka to you on the sly. What? Who said that?

15.  Get your gourd on.
​No official ice bucket for your white or sparkling wine? Carve out the inside of a pumpkin (no, not your spongy Halloween leftovers—a fresh one, dude). Throw a glass or metal bowl in there if it will fit. Add ice. Add alcohol. Voila! Festive pumpkin ice bucket. 

Onward, Thanksgiving experts! On this day, ye shall reign supreme.
 
What Thanksgiving tips and tricks do you swear by? Leave a comment!

I’m not one of those people who can say they have visited 100 out of 195 countries. Not even close.
 
So far, I’ve been to Canada, Mexico, Ireland, Italy, India, Spain, the Bahamas, Puerto Rico, Turks and Caicos, St. Martin, and Germany (airport only, which doesn’t really count). Next month we’ll visit the UK for the first time (yay for London and Bath!).
 
A small fraction of this big, beautiful earth.
 
There is always more to see, more to do. Here’s why I will forever answer that call for adventure.
 
9 Reasons I Will Never Stop Traveling

1.  Exotic food.
​Okay, truth time: Food is one of the primary motivations for anything I do, but I especially look forward to sampling local delights when I travel. Buttery naan and expertly cooked curry in Agra. Hand-made and freshly caught squid ink pasta in Venice. Decadent churros con chocolat in Madrid. Hearty lamb stew in Killarney. OMG, I’m hungry. 

2.  New languages.
When I travel internationally, I enjoy challenging myself to learn some of the local language. At least enough to order food in a restaurant (see: reason #1 for traveling). I rely on phrase books and audio tapes to help guide me. 

3.  Unfamiliar terrain.
New landscapes are a fantastic change of scenery (pun intended), especially if the natural beauty or architecture is unique to the city or region. I’ll never forget the gracefully rolling hills and ancient castles of Ireland or the intimate cobblestone streets of Madrid. We can all use a break from what we see day in and day out. 

4.  History in abundance.
Here in the United States, our history doesn’t stretch as far back as other civilizations. I love getting lost in the history of another culture, imagining what life was like hundreds or even thousands of years ago.

5.  Breaking with routine.
It’s healthy to break through the monotony of our daily lives, to mix it up. It can open our eyes to new possibilities and recharge our spirit. 

6.  Experiencing another culture.
As Americans, we occasionally forget that we don’t *NEED* unlimited refills on our 64-ounce Cokes or drive-thru access to our meals. Other cultures are often better at slowing down, enjoying the moment, and appreciating the little things.

7.  New experiences for our children.
What better way to see how other people live than to experience it for oneself? I treasure the way travel gives our daughter a broader perspective and empathy for other people. 

8.  Using that old rusty brain.
When you’re plunged into an unfamiliar place, you put your brain to work by navigating, communicating with locals, and absorbing the sights and sounds. 

​9.  Treasured memories rather than things.
If I had to choose between a memorable trip and a bar of pure gold, guess which I would choose? Memories and experiences are priceless, and stay with us throughout our lives.

What do you love about travel? Which destinations are on your bucket list? Leave a comment!

Sometimes when I’m cleaning up a puddle of pee or begging my toddler to put on pants, I dream. I dream of a world run by moms.
 
Dream with me, friends.
 
Welcome to a World Run by Moms

All doors at shopping malls, grocery stores and restaurants are wide enough to accommodate a double stroller.
 
There is no such thing as ‘mom jeans’, only ‘your booty looks fabulous jeans’.
 
Paid maternity leave is guaranteed for ALL moms.
 
Diaper changing stations are available in all men’s restrooms, and those restrooms are clean as a whistle. Why isn’t this already a thing?
 
Mornings are peaceful and nag-free. Kids dress themselves, use the bathroom, brush their teeth and hair, and eat breakfast without the constant power struggle. 

Businesses offer free, on-site day care for working moms.
 
Moms in a hurry can opt for the express check-out lane reserved for moms in every store.
 
Anyone traveling with a child (mom, dad or grandparent) is granted unlimited carry-on baggage. Oh yeah, and they enjoy priority boarding, like in the good old days.
 
Car seats are designed to be buckled and un-buckled one-handed.
 
Workplaces are equipped with pumping rooms and napping rooms for new moms.
 
Eating chocolate burns calories rather than piling them on. 

No more mom brain – your to do list magically takes care of itself.
 
Nail and hair salons offer a playground and supervised childcare for your kiddos.
 
Feeling achy? Text the Mobile Mom Masseuse Squad to work out those kinks while you're on the go.
 
When a mom decides she is done having children, she is offered a complimentary tummy tuck and a spa day, because she deserves it.
 
Can’t make it through your errands without a cat nap? Check into Hotel Mom for an hour or two, a plush sanctuary for you to get some rest (childcare provided). 

Every new mother is matched with a highly qualified personal assistant while they figure things out.
 
Out of milk and diapers? Breeze through your friendly neighborhood baby emergency supply drive-thru.
 
Local baristas are trained to memorize their mom customers’ orders to help speed things along. In fact, they have your drink ready as you walk through the door.
 
When you’re up late feeding your baby, click on the Entertain Mom app, filled with hilarious YouTube videos, memes and articles just for moms. 

About to have a total freak-out moment? Step into a discreet, sound-proof Freak Out Pod, and scream and swear to your heart’s content.
 
Moms night out = any damn night (or day) you please.
 
A museum-quality curation service arranges and displays your kids’ art perfectly in your home.
 
Women and men are paid equally. Because we are LITERALLY doing the exact same work. Again, why is this not reality?
 
Drinking fountains are expanded to include coffee fountains, filled with organic cold brew, of course. 

No time to get dolled up before work or a play date? Stop into a beauty café, and a skilled makeup artist will do your makeup while you wait for your latte.
 
No need to worry about re-stocking that diaper bag. It restocks itself when supplies get low.
 
Got a personal haz-mat situation, thanks to a baby spit up or blowout? Pop into a Freshen Up Pop Up for moms, where you can grab a quick shower and a change of clothes without stinking up your car.
 
Ummmm…any entrepreneurial moms out there who want to make this happen? I. Am. In!