Sometimes when I’m cleaning up a puddle of pee or begging my toddler to put on pants, I dream. I dream of a world run by moms.
 
Dream with me, friends.
 
Welcome to a World Run by Moms

All doors at shopping malls, grocery stores and restaurants are wide enough to accommodate a double stroller.
 
There is no such thing as ‘mom jeans’, only ‘your booty looks fabulous jeans’.
 
Paid maternity leave is guaranteed for ALL moms.
 
Diaper changing stations are available in all men’s restrooms, and those restrooms are clean as a whistle. Why isn’t this already a thing?
 
Mornings are peaceful and nag-free. Kids dress themselves, use the bathroom, brush their teeth and hair, and eat breakfast without the constant power struggle. 

Businesses offer free, on-site day care for working moms.
 
Moms in a hurry can opt for the express check-out lane reserved for moms in every store.
 
Anyone traveling with a child (mom, dad or grandparent) is granted unlimited carry-on baggage. Oh yeah, and they enjoy priority boarding, like in the good old days.
 
Car seats are designed to be buckled and un-buckled one-handed.
 
Workplaces are equipped with pumping rooms and napping rooms for new moms.
 
Eating chocolate burns calories rather than piling them on. 

No more mom brain – your to do list magically takes care of itself.
 
Nail and hair salons offer a playground and supervised childcare for your kiddos.
 
Feeling achy? Text the Mobile Mom Masseuse Squad to work out those kinks while you're on the go.
 
When a mom decides she is done having children, she is offered a complimentary tummy tuck and a spa day, because she deserves it.
 
Can’t make it through your errands without a cat nap? Check into Hotel Mom for an hour or two, a plush sanctuary for you to get some rest (childcare provided). 

Every new mother is matched with a highly qualified personal assistant while they figure things out.
 
Out of milk and diapers? Breeze through your friendly neighborhood baby emergency supply drive-thru.
 
Local baristas are trained to memorize their mom customers’ orders to help speed things along. In fact, they have your drink ready as you walk through the door.
 
When you’re up late feeding your baby, click on the Entertain Mom app, filled with hilarious YouTube videos, memes and articles just for moms. 

About to have a total freak-out moment? Step into a discreet, sound-proof Freak Out Pod, and scream and swear to your heart’s content.
 
Moms night out = any damn night (or day) you please.
 
A museum-quality curation service arranges and displays your kids’ art perfectly in your home.
 
Women and men are paid equally. Because we are LITERALLY doing the exact same work. Again, why is this not reality?
 
Drinking fountains are expanded to include coffee fountains, filled with organic cold brew, of course. 

No time to get dolled up before work or a play date? Stop into a beauty café, and a skilled makeup artist will do your makeup while you wait for your latte.
 
No need to worry about re-stocking that diaper bag. It restocks itself when supplies get low.
 
Got a personal haz-mat situation, thanks to a baby spit up or blowout? Pop into a Freshen Up Pop Up for moms, where you can grab a quick shower and a change of clothes without stinking up your car.
 
Ummmm…any entrepreneurial moms out there who want to make this happen? I. Am. In!

I had an epiphany today: If bad behavior were an Olympic sport, horrible bosses and toddlers would be fighting tooth and paci for the gold.
 
Of course, 2-year-olds have the legitimate justification of not yet being fully formed humans. I mean, their brains are still developing.
 
So, what is your horrible boss’s excuse? 

1.  Self-absorbed
Your toddler: I want I want I WANT!!!
 
Your boss: Don’t mess up my reputation, underling.
 
2.  Can’t be reasoned with
Your toddler: [Refuses to wear coat on 20-degree winter day]. NO! I want to wear my swimsuit. No coat.
 
Your boss: I reviewed your budget report and I see that you’ve identified a $275K deficit. That should be easy to move around and balance, right? Have it done pronto.
 
3.  Don't do their fair share
Your toddler: Runs wild through the house, eats everything in sight, complains about being bored, demands to watch a movie, spills cheerios all over the kitchen, and then kicks you instead of helping you clear the mess.
 
Your boss: Runs wild through the office, eats a half dozen bagels on bagel day, complains about being ‘soooo busy’, demands a status update, spills coffee all over the shared kitchen, and then leaves you to mop up the mess.
 
4.  Take you for granted
Your toddler: Daddy will make my macaroni.
 
Your boss: Sheryl will take care of it. She always does.
 
5.  Don't acknowledge your hard work
Your toddler: NO, I want chicken nuggets! [After you’ve spent three hours preparing an extravagant dinner]
 
Your boss: Oh, I completely forgot about that. What else is on your to-do list? [After you’ve spent six months tackling a near-impossible task]

6.  Make a mess and expect you to clean it up
Your toddler: [Removes every piece of clothing and pees on the floor] Mommy, look what I did for you.
 
Your boss: [Instigates political firestorm in the office] You’ll get this squared away by end of day, won’t you?
 
7.  Attempt to control everything
Your toddler: [Imitating your exact tone of voice] Excuuuuuuuse me, Daddy, you do NOT talk to me like that.
 
Your boss: [On casual Friday, when literally everyone in the office except your boss is wearing jeans] I noticed that you’re wearing jeans today. Is that appropriate for the workplace?
 
8.  Are terrible at listening
Your toddler: [After hearing it’s time to go to school, immediately hides under the bed and starts giggling like mad]
 
Your boss: [While you are confiding one of your deepest professional insecurities] [Looks like she’s been shaken from a dream] I’m sorry, were you saying something?
 
9.  Often yell and/or throw fits when things don’t go their way
Your toddler: But I don’t WANT my friends to come over for my birthday party to give me presents and eat pizza and cake! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want to sit in this box and never come out.
 
Your boss: But I don’t WANT my co-workers to acknowledge my birthday with a cake and be forced to socialize with them for more than two minutes. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want to sit in this office and never come out.
 
10.  Ask for something, then immediately reject it
Your toddler: I want bubbles. [Hands child bubble wand] NO! I HATE BUBBLES! HOW VERY DARE YOU???
 
Your boss: Where is that marketing plan I asked for? [Employee responds: It’s been in your inbox for a week] Well, why did you send it so soon? I didn’t want it clogging up my email! 

11.  Change their mind constantly
Your toddler: I want chocolate cake. I want vanilla cake. I want chocolate cake. NO, VANILLA! [Conversation continues into eternity]
 
Your boss: I think this is the right strategy. Or maybe this isn’t the best strategy. Let’s do more brainstorming. Shouldn’t we start from scratch? Ask Bob what he thinks.
 
12.  Always think they are right
Your toddler: I’m cuter than you, so I must be right.
 
Your boss: I’m smarter than you, so I must be right.
 
13.  Resist even the smallest of changes
Your toddler: New socks? NEVER!!!
 
Your boss: Remove the emojis from my email signature? YOU CAN’T TAKE MY FREEDOM!
 
14.  Have the absolute worst timing
Your toddler: [While on a video conference call with your boss and the CEO of the company] Your toddler enters the room, completely naked, and announces: I POOPED!
 
Your boss: [Just as you are packing up your laptop for a long weekend] I just thought of one more thing I’d like you to finish before you head out…
 
15.  Can alter your day from good to ghastly in mere minutes
Your toddler: Mama, where do babies come from? [Unprepared parent cringes]
 
Your boss: [Without warning] Franklin, we need to discuss your performance. RIGHT. NOW. Close the door.

16.  Blind to their own faults and weaknesses
Your toddler: Yup, I eat my own boogers. Is there a problem here?
 
Your boss: Yup, I verbally abuse my own employees. Is there a problem here?
 
17.  Constantly play favorites
Your toddler: [To Mommy]. Daddy is my favorite. Daddy is my favorite. Daddy-is-my-FAVORITE! Go away, Mommy. I no like you.
 
Your boss: You know I never play favorites, but the employee of the month is…Ricardo, again! Congratulations to Ricardo! The rest of you should aim to be more like him.
 
18.  Have emotional outbursts
Your toddler: NO, I AM NOT TIRED!!!! NO NAP TIME! While writhing on the floor of Costco, clutching a jumbo pack of string cheese.
 
Your boss: NO, I AM NOT TIRED! Just bring me my coffee, damnit.
 
19.  Make demands without providing any guidance or context
Your toddler: I WANT THAT TOY!!!! THAT ONE! NO, NOT THAT ONE. [Every toy parent points to in the Toys R Us store elicits the same response]
 
Your boss: I want this to be top-notch! I’ll know what that means when I see it! I don’t have time for questions.
 
20.  Skip out on their obligations
Your toddler: ME NO WANT TO BUCKLE MY SEATBELT! [Every morning in the car seat, like clockwork]
 
Your boss: Oh, I was supposed to sign your timesheet? I wasn’t aware of that. [After four years of weekly reminders to sign the same freaking timesheet]

21.  Lie to get what they want
Your toddler: Daddy said I could have some ice cream. Daddy: I have no recollection of this. [Toddler puts on most fetching grin]
 
Your boss: [Lying through teeth] If this isn’t done right, we’ll all be fired.
 
22.  Never say thank you
Your toddler: [Says for the very first time] Thank you, Da-Da [Daddy falls down at baby’s feet in worship]
 
Your boss: Why should I thank you for doing what you get paid to do?

Let this be a lesson to horrible bosses to stop acting like babies, and babies (toddlers) to stop acting like bosses.
 
We’re all in this together!
 
Do you have a Boss Baby or a Baby Boss? Tell us about it in the comments (no names, please)!

You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
Business Email Etiquette: 50 Things You Should Never Say in a Work Email
Vacation time! Why I’m actually vacationing on my vacation
One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned
It's Here! Get My Free E-Book: 100 of Your Toughest Business Emails: Solved on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iBooks and more
Vacation fun: 44 things you only do when you're on vacation or holiday
Writing tips: What I want to blog about vs. what I actually blog about
For writers: All your writing fears, squashed!
A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me
The write stuff: An author’s favorite books and authors 
Writing tips: Cutting down on word fat and other newsletter best practices 
Writing tips for email: In 30 seconds, this message will self-destruct 
Public speaking tips: How to move your audience from callous to captivated 

Dreaming of a family cruise? You’ve come to the right place.
 
We recently took our first cruise as a family from Seattle to Alaska, and it was spectacular!
 
Since I love to share family travel tips, I’m spilling all our seafaring secrets on the subject.
 
First, check out my advice for nabbing a killer deal and for entertaining your toddler on your cruise. 

Now, here are 20 more secrets to totally nailing your family cruise experience:

Planning your trip
1.  Request a Pack N Play or portable crib for your room, if you need one.

2.  Choose open seating for dinner. Some nights you’ll end up at the buffet, some you will make it to the formal dining room (call ahead for reservations). And other nights you may be seasick and order room service (been there, done that!).

3.  Splurge on a room with a balcony so that you can sit outside and revel while your toddler naps or sleeps for the night (be sure to bring an audio monitor).

4.  Bring your e-reader so that you can read in the dark while your toddler snoozes.

5.  Keep your kiddo’s stuff organized with packing cubes like the ones from Eagle Creek. We use these for every trip for our daughter and for ourselves! Simply throw them in the closet or drawer and you won’t have to worry about piles of clothes forming everywhere.

​6.  Pack a favorite blanket or stuffed animal to help nap and bed time go more smoothly.

7.  Bring a lightweight and compact stroller for excursions and walks around town. We currently use the Chico Liteway stroller and used the Summer Infant 3D Lite stroller when our daughter was younger. The Summer Infant model is perfect for younger, lighter kids but the Chico works better after 18 months or so, and handles better on corners.

Food and milk
8.  The easiest way to get your toddler’s milk is to grab a few cartons from the buffet once or twice a day, and then store them in your in-room fridge. On Holland America Line, they keep the milk out at the breakfast buffet, and then at lunch and dinner you can ask for it at the ice cream station.

9.  You could also order milk via room service (although this generally takes 30-45 minutes).

10.  If you’re grabbing a latte for yourself, you can also get milk from the café.
​
11.  Make peace with the fact that your kid is going to consume a ton of sugar, as will you. Just try to avoid it right before sleeping time.

12.  That said, chocolate milk or the chocolates from your nightly turndown service can be your biggest bargaining chips with your toddler!

While on board
13.  Take advantage of toddler nap time by getting some reading or work done, or snooze along with them.

14.  If your child is not yet potty-trained, beware that Holland America Line has zero changing tables in bathrooms, at least on the Oosterdam ship. When it was time for a diaper change, we went back to our room every time.

15.  Don’t expect to catch any of the evening entertainment (8:00 pm or later), unless you have babysitters traveling with you or the cruise line offers babysitting services.

16.  Use the on-board laundry services to pack lighter. For $20 on Holland America Line, you get a fully stuffed bag and each piece is promptly washed, dried and ironed to perfection.

17.  If the dining room is too crowded or you need a change of scenery, plan to eat by the pool.

18.  Your toddler will love the towel animals created by your room stewards. See if they can guess which animal they’ll meet next.

19.  Take family photos on board, but expect some your toddler to make silly faces in them.

20.  Even if you don’t like to go crazy with shopping, you can look for a special book that your child will treasure for years to come, like “Goodnight Alaska”, and you can always find room in your suitcase and budget for magnets. 

All set to go exploring? Me, too! See you on the flip side.
 
*Author’s note: these opinions are my own based on my personal experiences. I have not been paid to endorse any businesses, products or services in this blog

Ya’ll! We just returned from the most dazzling family vacation: a cruise from Seattle to Alaska!
 
We saw dozens of whales throughout the trip (Humpbacks and Orcas), thousands of jellyfish while kayaking a hidden cove in Sitka, and a handful of majestic Bald Eagles in the wild. The massive Hubbard Glacier was breath-taking. It was all pretty drool-worthy, I must admit. 

As usual, we brought along our toddler, who has already accompanied us to Spain, Ireland and Mexico, but who had yet to board a cruise ship.
 
In this blog series, I’ll share everything I learned from the experience of cruising with a toddler.
 
Cruise with kids: Travel tips for cruising with toddlers

Part 1: Get the Best Cruise Deal

IMPORTANT: Before you book anything, check the age requirements of the cruise line you are considering. Most will only accept children six months and older as of the first day of the cruise. For some itineraries, such as transatlantic, transpacific, Hawaii, or otherwise, children must be at least 12 months of age at the start of the cruise.
 
Also check any passport requirements. If your cruise docks outside of the U.S. or its territories, you and your children will need a passport. See my advice on traveling internationally with your baby or toddler here.
 
Obviously, you’ll want to secure the very best deal for your cruise. I subscribe to Travelzoo, which features Top 20 deals every Wednesday. This is how I found our Alaskan cruise on Holland America for a fantastic price with tons of bonuses, through Prestige Cruises. 

​To be honest, I was initially nervous about booking through Prestige Cruises, since I hadn’t heard of them and the package almost seemed too good to be true. However, I was assured by Travelzoo that all their deals are verified.
 
So, we made out like bandits: upgrade from a balcony to a signature suite, two free beverage packages (normally $700/person), free gratuities, third and fourth guest free (this paid for our toddler), and a whopping $350 in on board credits, which can be used for spa treatments, photography, excursions, and more. Normally, you’d be lucky to get $200 in on board credits.
 
I recommend holding out for that third and fourth guest free promotion, otherwise you will have to pay for your children separately at the same price as an adult.
 
You can also take advantage of Wave Season deals, which typically run between January and March. Last-minute deals can also add immense value to your experience. 

Next Time: Plan Toddler Activities and Entertainment for your Cruise
​
Watch for Part 2 of this series, which will outline strategies for keeping your toddler happy and busy on board!

It hit me yesterday: it’s already been a year since I made the dramatic transition from full-time stay-at-home mom to full-time writer.
 
Last May, I was fretfully writing this blog about our daughter’s foray into daycare, scarcely enjoying my newfound freedom after spending 15 months at home with J.
 
I knew that daycare would be healthy and beneficial to all of us, but it was tough to swallow at the time.
 
Today, J. is thriving, and so am I. 

Taking the time to see a dream to completion—finishing my very first book—was finally a reality.
 
Some days it was thrilling. Some days it felt like a burden. And other days it was so inspiring I could hardly believe that it was my life.
 
By the end of October 2016, I had put the finishing touches on the first draft of my manuscript. Simply exhilarating.
 
Then, I realized that writing three days a week was not going to be sufficient time to research, query and secure a literary agent, write a blog every week (no exceptions), build my social media following, write a book proposal, and essentially learn all there is to know about the publishing industry.

I made another decision.
 
It was time to go FULLY full-time, and so I did. Was there guilt? Yes. Am I glad that I did it? Absolutely. Because there is no question about it: building a successful writing career as an author or freelancer is a full-time job.
 
Here are a few things I have learned about building a writing career over the past year:

1. Challenges are key. Without setting ambitious goals and deadlines for myself, on a weekly basis, it’s far too easy to get lost in research, online courses, books, and YouTube videos. I cranked out the most work when I was actively preparing for the San Francisco Writers Conference in February. I knew that I wouldn’t have any excuses for being unprepared when I pitched my book to agents face-to-face, and that knowledge fueled my fire.

2. I should have joined Twitter years ago. If other writers or authors out there are hesitant to join Twitter, like I was, I highly encourage you to jump on the bandwagon as soon as possible. I procrastinated on joining for far too long. And, you know what? I absolutely LOVE Twitter! The character limit is actually a bit freeing, because there is only so much you can squeeze into one post. It’s a community of millions of intelligent, funny and curious people. Plus, I have built a following about a million times faster on Twitter than on Facebook, honestly, with very little effort. I simply Tweet about things that I find interesting, useful, humorous, shocking, etc. Facebook is still necessary, but my heart belongs to Twitter.

3. All it takes is one ‘yes’. I know, I know—cheese alert! You can’t deny the truth of the statement, though. When I wanted to get more publication credits to my name, I started with guest blogging. And then I pitched an article to The Write Life—I now have two articles that they will publish in June and July. And I will keep moving forward from there. Success builds upon success, although not necessarily as quickly as you would like it to. 

4. I still need to make time for ‘life’. I used to lament the ‘workday’ time I spent at Target, the grocery store, or putting away laundry. Until I realized that these activities are not only necessary for me and my family, they can also be a ‘break’ when I need to take a time out from my computer screen. I also make time to have coffee with friends, to sweat through Zumba class, and to check out an occasional sale event. It’s all part of what makes my world keep turning.

5. My career = my choice. It is so liberating to think that I have the ultimate say in where my career goes. I’m limited only by my own imagination. Will I write more books? You bet. Will I take up travel writing? I would love to! Will I get a coveted byline in The New York Times? That’s the plan. I’m calling the shots, and I feel so fortunate to be in that position.
 
How about you? Have you made a major career or life change? What have you learned from the experience? I would love to hear from you