Business email etiquette has been on my mind as of late.
You see, I just wrote this cool e-book called 100 of Your Toughest Business Emails: Solved, available early to my awesome email subscribers, and coming soon to Amazon and other digital formats. The e-book gives tons of examples for things you can or should say when you really feel like wringing your co-worker’s neck, but need to be diplomatic. Oh, but the list of things you SHOULDN’T say in an email with any professional association is practically endless. That’s where I thought I would have some fun.
Generally, it’s best to avoid the following in business emails:
Now that we’ve established those ground rules, let’s enjoy the best of the worst of them.
50 Things You Should Never, Ever Say in a Business Email
1. That outfit is heinous
2. Everyone knows that so-and-so and so-and-so are having an affair 3. I'm thinking of leaving to work for a competitor 4. I don't do much work. I mostly shop online all day. 5. OMG ROFL & LMAO 
6. I can't stand working with Susie
7. A kindergartner could do a better job 8. Don't tell anyone, but I peed in the office coffee pot 9. Does Bob have a girlfriend? 10. I'm counting on you to support my Race for the (X Charitable Cause)
11. Holy F***ing s***!
12. Did you see last night's episode of "Game of Thrones"? Whoa. 13. My boss is slowly sucking the life from my soul 14. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING??? 15. I never have to buy pens anymore. They're free at the office!
16. What are you having for lunch today? I’m craving sushi.
17. Sorry, my ex-wife took every last penny 18. Do you even read your emails? 19. You really screwed this one up, didn't you? 20. Rachel looks super sexy today 
21. Do you know where I can buy some weed?
22. I think I feel a cold coming on…cough, cough (HAHA!). Looks like I'll have to take a 'sick' day :) 23. Can I borrow $20? 24. You're going to hell 25. All the free donuts in the world could not make me happy in this job
26. I am beyond hungover
27. How much do they pay you here? 28. I couldn't care less 29. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (Top Secret) 30. My dog is cuter than your kid
31. Let's hit the strip club after work
32. Are you in for online poker during our conference call? 33. I'm selling my old TV. Do you want it? 34. Anyone who votes for (X CANDIDATE) is an IDIOT! 35. I know you're Jewish, but Merry Christmas!
36. So a guy walks into a bar…
37. I'm supposed to meet with my parole officer at that time 38. Forward this email to 10 people or you'll have bad luck! 39. Macy's is having an awesome buy one, get one free online sale. You in? 40. I'd rather not sponsor a take your child to work day. I hate children.
41. WTF?
42. Remember, there is no I in team 43. I'm praying for your soul 44. I have a fantastic investment opportunity for you 45. It's obvious that she needs a makeover
46. Does this make sense?
47. That's not my fault 48. You're the only one to complain about this 49. No offense, but… 50. Anyone on the planet could do a better job than him 
You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
Free E-Book Preview: 100 of your Toughest Business Emails: Solved—Coming August 2017 On The Write Life: 17 Incredible Possibilities if Writers Ran The World On The Write Life: Get Inspired! 20 Writers to Follow on Twitter Article on The Write Life: Think Like a Journalist to Improve Your Writing (Trench Coat Optional!) How to be the perfect friend: a guide for the ladies Writing tips: What I want to blog about vs. what I actually blog about One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned For writers: All your writing fears, squashed! A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me Your writing conference checklist: how to make it worth every minute and every penny (takeaways from the 2017 San Francisco Writers Conference) The write stuff: An author’s favorite books and authors Writing tips: Cutting down on word fat and other newsletter best practices All about writing: writing 'til it hurt 
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Watch for my FREE e-book, coming August 2017!
This week I am super excited to share my latest project. I have written my first e-book, and I can’t wait to put it out into the digital world!
The best part: it will be completely free on all digital platforms. Woop! I expect to release the book next month (August 2017), and will share updates on this blog and on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. So, what’s this e-book all about? Here is a preview of what’s to come.
Free E-Book Preview
100 of your Toughest Business Emails: Solved Plug and Play Ideas from a Seasoned Corporate Communications Manager Introduction Email. We live and breathe it at work. Most of us can’t get away from it. The average office worker receives 121 emails per day. Our increasingly global economy also means that we work across time zones. When those time zones don’t match up, we often rely on email to get work done. As a former Corporate Communications Manager for a fast-paced IT consulting company, I know firsthand the power of words to help or hinder. I spent nearly six years ghost writing for executives and coming up with innumerable ways to say things that people might not like. This experience bestowed upon me an unexpected gift: the ability to conjure up a tactful way of saying just about anything, usually on the fly. Yet, most of us in the business world don’t have a Corporate Communications Manager we can run to when we’re not quite sure how to word an email. That is why I have created this book. I want to help you smooth over your email language while still making your point. I want to provide you with an easy reference guide for whenever you’re stumped on what to say. And, finally, I want to help you avoid some of the inevitable drama that goes hand in hand with business communications. It’s important to note that much of the language found in this book relies on references and colloquialisms most familiar to American readers. When dealing with an international audience, please consider your reader’s likely familiarity with the language you choose. With my plug and play templates, you, too, can master even the toughest of business emails. Let’s dive in! 
A few juicy tidbits that you can look forward to in the book
That’s his/her job
He/she is the expert on… He/she is the right person for… He/she is best suited to… He/she has firsthand knowledge of… He/she is your go-to person for… He/she is your best bet for...
I disagree
I disagree (sometimes it’s perfectly appropriate to say!) I beg to differ I don’t agree I’m not so sure about that… Not necessarily I don’t see it that way I see it differently I have a different perspective I have an opposing view
I don’t have time
I’m overcommitted I don’t have the bandwidth I’m stretched too thin I’m afraid I’m not available to… If I had more availability, I would be happy to… My time is limited I can’t dedicate the time I’m pressed for time I wish I could help I wish I had more time My schedule is full
Here is your 1,000th reminder
As I mentioned before… As we discussed previously… Per my previous email… Per our recent conversation… As you know… Since our last discussion… As previously agreed...
Over my dead body!
I’d prefer if we didn’t Let’s think of some alternatives Let’s brainstorm some ideas I would rather not It wouldn’t be my first choice It’s not my favorite idea I’m not a huge fan Let’s take a different direction
Cheers to acing those business emails, and more to come very soon!
You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
On The Write Life: 17 Incredible Possibilities if Writers Ran The World On The Write Life: Get Inspired! 20 Writers to Follow on Twitter Article on The Write Life: Think Like a Journalist to Improve Your Writing (Trench Coat Optional!) How to be the perfect friend: a guide for the ladies Writing tips: What I want to blog about vs. what I actually blog about One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned For writers: All your writing fears, squashed! A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me Your writing conference checklist: how to make it worth every minute and every penny (takeaways from the 2017 San Francisco Writers Conference) The write stuff: An author’s favorite books and authors Writing tips: Cutting down on word fat and other newsletter best practices All about writing: writing 'til it hurts 
Photo by Megan Sharma
Do you remember those quizzes from Cosmopolitan and Teen magazines that helped you contemplate the very essence of your being?
“Are you a good friend?” “What kind of friend are you?” “Will your friendship last forever?”
As an introspective teen, I felt it was my personal responsibility to take these quizzes. I always scored highly, secure in my belief that I was the bestest BFF to ever walk the earth. In case you haven’t guessed, this is the basis on which I offer you friendship advice. If it’s good enough for Cosmo, it should be good enough for you.
Here’s how to be the perfect friend: a guide for the ladies
Note: Perfection is impossible. Read these tips accordingly. Results may vary.
Photo by Megan Sharma
I dedicate this post to Melinda, my bestie of 20 years. Love you to the moon, girl!
Photo by Megan Sharma. With my bestie since age 13, Melinda!
You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
How to be the perfect wife: an amateur tells all How to be the perfect employee: 46 tips that may or may not get you fired Date night: 60 fun and unique date ideas for the young at heart 100 believable excuses to help you avoid doing practically anything Writing tips: What I want to blog about vs. what I actually blog about One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned Married to medicine: Letter to a young doctor’s girlfriend Wedding Season: What NOT to say about the bride and groom in your best man or maid of honor speech For writers: All your writing fears, squashed! A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me 
Another day, another byline. [Huge grin]
My latest article on The Write Life, a respected web site for writers, is all about Twitter. I dove headlong into the Twittersphere to discover 20 writers that you must follow right this instant. The individuals who made the cut consistently post interesting, useful and actionable content for writers across genres. Read the article here, and feel free to leave a comment or tell a friend! You can find all of my articles on The Write Life here. You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma: Article on The Write Life: Think Like a Journalist to Improve Your Writing (Trench Coat Optional!) Writing tips: What I want to blog about vs. what I actually blog about One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned Married to medicine: Letter to a young doctor’s girlfriend Wedding Season: What NOT to say about the bride and groom in your best man or maid of honor speech For writers: All your writing fears, squashed! A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me Your writing conference checklist: how to make it worth every minute and every penny (takeaways from the 2017 San Francisco Writers Conference) The write stuff: An author’s favorite books and authors Writing tips: Cutting down on word fat and other newsletter best practices All about writing: writing 'til it hurts Writing tips for email: In 30 seconds, this message will self-destruct Public speaking tips: How to move your audience from callous to captivated 
Article on The Write Life: Think Like a Journalist to Improve Your Writing (Trench Coat Optional!)6/19/2017 
I am thrilled to have earned my first byline on The Write Life, a popular website that helps writers create, connect and earn.
In this article, I draw on my experience in journalism school and offer actionable tips for thinking like a journalist to improve your writing. Check it out! You can find all of my articles on The Write Life here (more coming very soon!). Cheers, and happy writing! You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma: Writing tips: What I want to blog about vs. what I actually blog about One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned Married to medicine: Letter to a young doctor’s girlfriend Wedding Season: What NOT to say about the bride and groom in your best man or maid of honor speech For writers: All your writing fears, squashed! A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me Your writing conference checklist: how to make it worth every minute and every penny (takeaways from the 2017 San Francisco Writers Conference) The write stuff: An author’s favorite books and authors Writing tips: Cutting down on word fat and other newsletter best practices All about writing: writing 'til it hurts Writing tips for email: In 30 seconds, this message will self-destruct Public speaking tips: How to move your audience from callous to captivated 
Blogging is kind of like being on a diet.
When you’re slaving away as a corporate drone, with little to no time available for creative writing or blogging, you crave it like a double cheeseburger with bacon and a side of perfectly seasoned waffle fries.
“Ohhh, why don’t I have time for blogging? If only I had time for blogging, my life would be complete,” you lament to no one in particular.
Then, as if by magic, a segment of your slammed calendar opens and, POOF! You get the chance to write that blog.
Back when this was my real life story, I was giddy with every opportunity to write a blog.
Why shouldn’t I be? It only happened once every one to three months when I was working full-time as a corporate communications manager. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Amiright?
I’m going to get real with you: it’s not like that for me now, at least not every week.
Now that I have complete freedom over my writing projects and schedule (halleluiah!), I sometimes would rather think up imaginative strategies for marketing my book, work on growing my social media network, or pitch and write articles that earn me a byline (the holy grail for writers and journalists). I don’t always want to write my blog. I don’t always know WHAT to write for my blog. But I always write it, not just because I ‘have to’, but also because it’s important to my long-term career as a writer.
Over the past 7 or 8 months, I have buckled down and gotten serious about blogging. Every. Single. Week.
I have also studied the breadcrumbs that successful bloggers leave behind for anyone who may be curious. In short, my blogging strategy has completely changed, in that now I actually HAVE a blogging strategy, whereas before I pretty much just wrote whatever I felt like writing. Now, like a person committed to healthy eating and living, I exercise a certain amount of willpower in my blog.
I no longer allow myself to write whatever my heart desires that day.
I have a new mission: to provide both entertainment and value to my readers. Once I realized that I write for my readers, not for myself, my entire blogging worldview shifted.
Here’s what I often WANT to post about (but don’t, at least, not anymore):
Here’s what I am committed to writing about:
So, if you want to read more on the topics above, keep following my blog, and share it with your friends on Facebook and Twitter!
I’ll give you a cookie if you do. 
You may also like these blogs by Megan Sharma:
One year after my major career change from full-time mom to full-time writer: reflections and lessons learned Married to medicine: Letter to a young doctor’s girlfriend Wedding Season: What NOT to say about the bride and groom in your best man or maid of honor speech For writers: All your writing fears, squashed! A real, imperfect day in the life of a writer: me Your writing conference checklist: how to make it worth every minute and every penny (takeaways from the 2017 San Francisco Writers Conference) The write stuff: An author’s favorite books and authors Writing tips: Cutting down on word fat and other newsletter best practices All about writing: writing 'til it hurts Writing tips for email: In 30 seconds, this message will self-destruct Public speaking tips: How to move your audience from callous to captivated 
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