Wedding season is upon us. That glorious time of year spent trolling Macy’s wedding registries for salad spinners, combing the clearance dress rack for a decent ensemble that hasn’t already been photographed to death, and, oh yeah, celebrating the love and marital unions of friends and family.
 
Since I’m in my 30s, I’ve been a guest at quite a few weddings, and I have served as a bridesmaid in three weddings. I have yet to serve that most honored of roles (it’s in the title, after all): Matron of Honor. But when I do, I will be ready!

Any-hoo, I’ve heard a lot of Best Man and Maid of Honor speeches in my time.
 
Since many are on the precipice of this momentous life event, I thought some advice might be in order.
 
I’ll first start by paraphrasing the most horrendous Best Man speech to ever shatter my eardrums. This was an occasion when people’s mouths hung open in disbelief, and it’s an incident still burned into my memory several years later. 

The Worst Best Man Speech of All Time
It goes a little something like this…(yes, this happened for real to one of my best friends). 

I’m happy that Mrs. X & Mr. X have found each other.
 
But I wasn’t always sure it would work out for them.
 
Mr. X’s previous relationships never seemed to last for more than a month. I didn’t think he would ever find a girl who would actually like him.  
 
Then Mr. X started dating Mrs. X.
 
Things were going well at first, until God told Mr. X that he should break up with Mrs. X. I agreed and told him that he should break up with her, immediately.
 
But then he didn’t break up with her.
 
And now they’re married.

I don’t remember anything after that. Pretty sure I was in shock. Let it also be known that this was a dry wedding—no alcohol aside from the champagne toast. So the Best Man didn’t have any excuse for this disaster of a speech.
 
Sigh.
 
Obviously, some wisdom is warranted. 

Okay, so what CAN I talk about?
 
Talk about love. Talk about how the couple complements one another. Talk about how you’ve never seen your friend happier. Talk about how much they both mean to you. And wish them the best in their new life together.
 
It’s pretty simple, really.
 
Happy wedding season!

If there is one thing that writers and creative minds in all corners of the planet have in common, it is this: fear and self-doubt. Okay, two things. We all have two things in common, regardless of our age, gender, nationality, experience, and level of success.
 
I’m going to face those fears head-on today.
 
Writers: this is for you. Because we all need a solid pep talk on occasion, no? 

Your 7 greatest writing fears: SQUASHED!
 
Fear #1: I don’t have the talent. Are you comparing yourself to Stephen King and shrinking away from your own potential?
 
Here’s what the man himself has to say about that: “Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” —Stephen King.
 
The 30th President of the United States would agree. “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”—Calvin Coolidge
 
Talent is part of the equation, but doesn’t represent the whole picture. 

Fear #2: My writing isn’t good enough. Says who? (“Who says, who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?”—Selena Gomez in the song “Who Says”). Sorry, I’ve been listening to an ungodly amount of Kidz Bop radio as of late.
 
Seriously, though. Who says you or your writing are not good enough?
 
You? A whole bunch of literary agents? Your parents? Your so-called friends? Publishers? The Queen of England?
 
The better question is: who cares? Keep at it. Some say that it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill. The only way you get better at writing is by writing, so don’t give up. 

Fear #3: Nobody will want to read this. J.K. Rowling probably shared the same misbelief. She was a single mother and struggling to make ends meet while writing her first book. Her original Harry Potter manuscript was rejected by 12 publishers before it was picked up. Her first advance was only 1500 British pounds.
 
And, yet?
 
The Harry Potter books have sold more than 450 million copies worldwide, and J.K. Rowling was the first author to become a billionaire. As in BILLIONAIRE!
 
Take it from J.K.: don’t sell yourself short. You have potential readers out there. 

Fear #4: I’ll never be a bestseller. Paula Hawkins became an international bestseller with her debut novel, “The Girl on the Train”. The book, an overwhelming success, has sold over 18 million copies worldwide and has been adapted into a major motion picture.
 
I repeat: this was Hawkins’ very first published book.
 
Refine your craft, edit ad nauseum, heed the advice of people with larger-than-usual craniums, and you just may hit that bestseller list. 

Fear #5: I won’t know what to do with success. Of all the non-problems in this problem-filled world, this one takes the cake. You really needn’t fret about this one.
 
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”—Albert Schweitzer.
 
In essence: do what you love and love what you do, and good things will come to you. Continue down that path, don’t stagnate, and you’ll reap the joys of fulfilling your true purpose in life. 

Fear #6: What if I only have one book in me? Nobody is lining up around the block to be the next ‘one-hit-wonder’. My half-hearted apologies to Los del Rio (“Macarena”), Right Said Fred (“I’m Too Sexy”), Baha Men (“Who Let the Dogs Out”), and Chumbawamba (“Tubthumping”—AKA, “I get knocked down, but I get up again, you are never gonna keep me down”). My sincere apologies for getting Chumbawamba stuck in your head.
 
It is true that literary agents and publishers want to work with authors with careers ahead of them, rather than a single hit book.
 
If you’ve written and published a book, chances are, you can do it again. Chances are even greater that you will continue to improve with each piece of writing that you create.
 
Have a little faith in yourself!
 
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”—Helen Keller.

Fear #7: Nobody wants to hear from me. Not a celebrity, politician, or a YouTube star? It’s daunting to think about breaking into the publishing industry, isn’t it?
 
I struggle with this myself. Sometimes, when I’m feeling persnickety, I marvel at the unfairness of the fact that even C list celebrities in the public eye are automatically considered for book deals based solely on who they are. Many have memoirs and tell-alls that are ghost-written or, at the very least, heavily edited.
 
I’ve (begrudgingly) come to accept this reality.
 
But the existence of celebrity non-writers with published books does NOT negate the need and demand for real writing from real, non-famous people.
 
Assume that there are people out there who want to read what you have to say. 

Take Amanda Hocking, for example. A few years ago, she was an unknown, unpublished writer of paranormal fiction. Back in 2010, Amanda desperately wanted to see an exhibit about Jim Henson, the creator of the Muppets, but she couldn’t afford to make the trip.
 
What did Amanda do? She decided to self-publish one of the many novels that had seen rejection after rejection from traditional publishers over the years.
 
Her plan panned out. In short: Amanda more than funded her $300 super fan trip to the Jim Henson exhibit.
 
Amanda has made millions of dollars by self-publishing her work. Her persistence has paid off, big time.
 
“Sometimes I'd say: 'I'm done, I'm never going to write another book,' but then a couple of months later I'd have another idea and I'd start again. This time it was bound to work."—Amanda Hocking. 

Final thoughts
 
Some days, your writing may feel like this:
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
― Ernest Hemingway
 
Other days, it may feel more like this:
“You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.”
― Saul Bellow
 
But always remember this:
“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.”
― Philip Pullman
 
Writers, keep on writing!

I am no stranger to being managed. Ever since the day back in high school when I set foot in the Federal Way, WA Old Navy (now a Trader Joe’s), donned my navy-blue employee t-shirt, clipped on my walkie talkie, and learned the many virtues of Old Navy performance fleece, I have been an employee.

​Since my early days in affordable fashion for the whole family, I have worked for the State of Washington, on a political campaign for U.S. Senate, for the world’s largest nonprofit organization, for a Seattle-based IT marketing firm, and, most recently, as a Communications Manager for a Northwest technology consulting company. I’ve even been a boss myself.
 
The bottom line: I’ve had a lot of bosses. I’ve learned from all of them. And over the years, I have picked up on some secrets to pleasing superiors.
 
Lucky for you, I am going to share those secrets with you today. If you don’t find them groundbreaking and illuminating and life-changing, well…I never claimed they would be. Winky face. 

Just to keep you on your toes, I’ve interspersed the real, God’s-honest-truth advice with some suggestions likely to get you fired. ‘Cuz I know you like a challenge, you rock star employee!

It's up to you to decide which advice is bonkers and which is brilliant. 
 
Happy reading and happy working!

Alas, it’s that time of year: sunlight streams into your home, revealing dust and dirt that you somehow never noticed during the frigid winter months.
 
Spring cleaning is either loved or hated by all. But everyone can manage at least a few of these simple spring cleaning tips.
 
25 spring cleaning tips that even lazy people can do:

1.       Clean out your fridge. Start by removing everything and giving the shelving a wipe-down (don’t use harsh cleaners). Then check expiration dates on your condiments—toss anything that’s past its prime.

2.      Tackle your freezer. See what you’ve got frozen down in the depths and plan some meals around it to free up space. Make sure to thaw meats and seafoods safely.
 
3.      Don’t neglect light fixtures. Light fixtures should be given a good dusting at least every couple of months. So, break out that step ladder!

4.    Get your outdoor furniture party-ready. Give your patio, deck or porch furniture (especially wrought iron) a good wipe down with a rag and some water, and you’re good to go.

5.     Get rid of burnt popcorn smell. Clean your microwave the natural way: cut a lemon in half, add a sprinkle of kosher salt, and use it to scrub the inside of the microwave. Lovely smell and cleaning power from citric acid!

6.     Freshen your carpet. Sprinkle baking soda on your carpet, then leave it there for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, vacuum.

7.      Windows are the windows to the soul. Give some love to your windows—both inside and out. And don’t forget to open them up and clean that dirt-loving window track.

8.    Caress your cabinets. Remove grease and dirt from your kitchen cabinets with wood cleaner or a mixture of 1 quart hot water and ½ cup lemon juice.
​
9.    Power to the cleaner. Empty and add a new filter to your vacuum cleaner so it can do the job right. Make this a regular habit.

10.  Showered with freshness. If you use a plastic shower curtain and/or shower curtain liner, wash with a load of dirty towels and then hang to dry. Fabric curtains can also be washed, of course. 

11.    Give your garage a sweep. Literally. Sweep out the dead leaves, cobwebs, and dirt that have accumulated all winter.

12.   Clean your keyboard. Use a cotton ball or Q-tip spritzed with a tiny bit of antibacterial cleaning spray to clean those hard-to-reach crevices in your computer keyboard.

13.    It’s toaster time. Empty the charred crumbs from your toaster or toaster oven.

14.   Skip the air freshener. Create a fresh smelling and inviting bathroom by adding a few drops of essential oil to the inside of your toilet paper roll.

15.    Do the seasonal swap. When it seems to be more spring than winter, I do the ‘seasonal swap’ with my clothes and shoes, trading my winter boots on our shoe rack for sandals. This is also the perfect time to go through your wardrobe and set aside items you haven’t worn or used for over a year for donating. This will also save you money when shopping for the new season, because you’ll know what’s already in your closet. 

16.   De-grubify toys. Got kids? Give their plastic toys (none with batteries, obviously) a little bath with warm water and dish soap. You could even use your bathtub for the job—simply plug the drain.

17.   Trash talk. Notice that the rubbish smell persists even after you’ve taken out the trash? Give the inside of your trash cans a good antibacterial wipe down and let them dry.

18.   Out with the old. Recycle old magazines, donate books you no longer read, file away the most special cards and letters, and make room for the new.

19.   Fanfare. Use an old pillowcase to clean individual blades of a ceiling fan without taking a dust shower.

20.  I’ll take a coffee, hold the mold. Clean out your classic coffee maker or pod style machine with these instructions, and enjoy a better cup of joe. 

21. Clean your oven the natural way. Those oven cleaning chemicals can be horrendous-smelling. Try it with baking soda and vinegar, instead.

22.   Want cleaner clothes? Don’t forget to clean your washing machine once a year.

23.   Breathe easier. Replace your air filters every 90 days. This helps keep allergens out of your home and also prevents a fire hazard.

24.  Unblock your showerheads. Remove the grime from your showerheads with this simple trick: fill a clear plastic sandwich bag with warm water, vinegar and lemon juice. Then tie the bag snugly around the shower nozzle, allowing it to soak in and eat up that dirt.

25.   De-dustify your lampshades. Use a lint roller to remove that stubborn dust without damaging your lampshade. 

Who wants to come clean my house? 

Got a hankering for procrastination? Aiming to avoid an unpleasant social situation? Get your fill here!
 
Now, I'm all for accountability and doing what's right. But every now and then we need a polite reason to say 'no'.

​Check out these totally legit excuses for just about anything. 

      11.  I have a doctor’s note
     12.  I’m allergic to it
     13.  I’m pregnant
     14.  I just had a baby
     15.  My wife is pregnant
     16.  My wife just had a baby
     17.  I’m too tired
     18.  My kids are too tired/cranky
     19.  I’m too busy
     20. It’s too cold

      21.   It’s too hot
     22.  The weather is too perfect
     23.  I don’t have the money
     24.  I don’t have the time
     25.  I don’t have the desire
     26.  I have nothing to wear
     27.  I’ve never done it before
     28.  I’ve done it too many times before
     29.  I have a prior commitment
     30.  I’ll have to play it by ear

      31.  I don’t have a babysitter
     32.  I can’t afford a babysitter
     33.  Our babysitter quit
     34.  It’s not in the budget
     35.  I won’t know until I have a budget
     36.  My psychic said not to
     37.  My therapist said not to
     38.  My husband/wife said not to
     39.  I’m not in the mood
     40.  It’s one of my biggest fears

      41.  I’ll need to think about it, first
     42.  I haven’t had my coffee yet
     43.  I haven’t had my wine yet
     44.  I haven’t had my whiskey yet
     45.  I have to work
     46.  My husband/wife has to work
     47.  My life is too complicated
     48.  My life is boring, but I like it that way
     49.  That’s not my job
     50.  That’s his job

        51.  That’s her job
     52.  Why don’t we see if the intern can manage it?
     53.  I’m too drunk
     54.  I’m not drunk enough
     55.  I’m going out of town
     56.  I’m out of town
     57.  I just returned from being out of town
     58.  This isn’t a priority for me
     59.  I don’t know what my priorities are
     60.  I’m too busy writing my bucket list

        61.  I’m too busy pining over my bucket list
     62.  I’m too busy living my bucket list
     63.  I thought you were only joking
     64.  I was only joking
     65.  I thought you meant next week
     66.  I thought you were speaking to someone else
     67.  I didn’t think you were serious about that
​     68.  My computer is broken
     69.  My computer has a virus
     70.  I need to buy a new computer

       71.  We don’t know each other well enough for that
     72.  We know each other all too well
     73.  I have no memory of that
     74.  My back hurts
     75.  My knees hurt
     76.  I just got Lasik
     77.  The timing is off right now
     78.  It’s not you, it’s me
     79.  I have a conference
     80.  I have a meeting

      81.  I have to check my email
     82.  My kids are potty training
     83.  I have to drop off/pick up my kids from school
     84.  I have to visit my grandfather in the hospital
     85.  I already have plans
     86.  I must wait at home for a delivery
     87.  I must wait at home for a service call
    88. My favorite show is on TV (because I live in another century and don’t have On Demand)
     89.  I thought you were being sarcastic
     90.  My hamster died

There is something about attending a conference on your own time and your own dime.

You’re far more, shall we say, invested. It’s different when your company sends you to a conference that you may or may not be enthused about. You’re less inclined to squeeze every last ounce of usefulness out of the experience, and more inclined to check your emails instead of listening to speakers.
 
I just returned from the 2017 San Francisco Writers Conference. As a former corporate marketing and communications manager, I have attended several communications and PR conferences over the years, but this was my first conference for writers. And it completely blew me away. That’s putting it lightly.
 
I finished writing my nonfiction book, “Memoirs of a Surgeon's Wife”, in October 2016, with the goal to be ready for SFWC17 in February. 

Since my book began as a passion project while I worked full-time, there was no shortage of work to be done. I wrote the book and then tackled the nonfiction book proposal. I began blogging consistently every week. I created a Facebook author page and started building my author platform (all the ways you can discover me online). I began sending a weekly newsletter to email subscribers. I researched the agents and editors attending the conference and prioritized who I most wanted to connect with. I created an oral book pitch and practiced it ad nauseam. You get the idea.
 
The conference acted as a deadline that kept me working toward specific, time-sensitive goals.
 
Anyway, you came here looking for a checklist for your next writers conference: how to make the most of every minute and every penny. So, here we go. 

How to Make the Most of Your Writers Conference

1.     Prepare. Prepare at least as much as you would for a job interview, if your goal is to be published. Each interaction you have with an agent, speaker, coach, or editor is your window of opportunity to make a positive impression. Start by researching who is attending the conference and create a list of people you would like to speak with and/or pitch your book to. Put them in a spreadsheet and be sure to copy and paste their photo into it so that when you see them grabbing their morning coffee at the event, you will recognize them and can say hello. Prepare to the point that you feel comfortable casually discussing your book with strangers. 

2.     Go with an open mind. I went into this conference with the idea that I would pursue traditional publication (sign an agent who would then sell my book to a top publishing house). However, I attended a variety of sessions, including a few on self-publishing. Now I feel educated on both the traditional route and the self-publishing route, wherever fate may lead me. It’s always smart to have a Plan A and a Plan B. 

3.     Get social. There are countless opportunities to network at a writers conference, and I urge you to take advantage of them. At SFWC17, there were daily coffee meet-ups, networking breakfasts, lunches and dinners, a welcome cocktail party, free classes, and plenty of opportunities for interacting with experts. Also, make a concerted effort to put your phone away. If you’re scrolling through your mobile, people will assume you’re busy and won’t talk to you. All you have to do is turn to the person next to you and ask, ‘what do you write?’. This is a fantastic way to meet other writers and authors in an otherwise lonely profession—don’t squander it. 

​4.     Be brave. Public speaking is one of my least favorite things to do. I was traumatized by the time I had to deliver a book report in my 8th grade class and my voice shook like an earthquake the entire time. I’ve since improved, but banishing those butterflies is still quite the challenge for me. Nevertheless, when I saw the nonfiction ‘pitchathon’ on the schedule, I showed up. And when I witnessed a panel of about six agents and experts giving several minutes of personalized feedback to everyone who gave their pitch, I decided that I would be crazy not to do it. So, I did it. I held a microphone and talked about my book in a room full of people. It wasn’t so bad, and the feedback I received was 100% worth it. My other act of bravery at the San Francisco Writers Conference was the agent speed dating session, which put me face-to-face with a room full of agents to give my book pitch in one minute, and have a discussion for the remaining two minutes. Like many other writers, I was petrified going in, but once I began sitting down with agents, I found it easy and conversational. If you have an opportunity to participate in something like this, just do it. You won’t regret it.  

5.     Adapt on the fly. My final tip is to evolve with the feedback and inspiration you receive. Re-write your pitch if you need to. Change your title (it will probably change later anyway). Attend sessions different than what you had planned. If you see someone on your wish list, strike up a conversation with them, even if it’s not the ‘perfect’ moment. The key is to stay observant, follow your intuition and to strike while the iron is hot. 

I filled an entire notebook while attending the San Francisco Writers Conference, and would highly recommend it to any writer, whether you’re just starting out or looking to stay on top of the industry’s latest.
 
Wishing you the best of luck with your writing and I hope to see you at a conference soon!